spirituality, work

Continuation of last night: it’s Shungite, not Stibnite

…there’s a big difference. I remembered the name “Shungite” at random, after work today. Shungite is mostly carbon, and apparently safe. Even though Stibnite and Shungite are both steely gray-black and metallic in color, Stibnite has no fracture pattern, while Shungite fractures with a conchoidal pattern, like glass. The sample I have displays this. Shungite also has a much lighter specific gravity than Stibnite. The sample I have is very light. Amazingly light.

I am so relieved. I also am feeling apologetic for assuming my memory was accurate when I remembered the name, “Stibnite,” last night. I don’t know where else the term would have come from, though. Neither do I know why, if I hadn’t run across the term, I would have made up a term I’ve never heard before which refers to a specific actual mineral. Did I see “Stibnite” the other day and then the term stuck and got confused with “Shungite”? Was it labeled “Stibnite” and I got confused (but then the book did say “Shungite” and I recalled it was the same label as the stone)?

Gah. Maybe I should have taken pictures. :)

Anyhow, now I know that I’m safe, and that I can touch the other stuff that was in my purse that day! And my other stones aren’t contaminated! Awesome!

-_-;;

At this point, I’m glad I didn’t tell you all what store I went to. :) I don’t want to unduly impact their other patronage because of a mistake that was my fault. Sorry, guys. You all are sweet, and thank you for tolerating me. -_-/\

Coming up…I need to fill out my Master Application before tomorrow. There’s some other stuff going on with work which is doubtless, good. I should get back to reading more on dealing with difficult customer service situations, and be checking out the resources I’ll have at my disposal. I shouldn’t brag: nothing is set in stone. However, I’ll get to exercise more of my capabilities in my new position.

I’m also dealing with the possibility of finding a second part-time job. Having two part-time jobs may be the norm right now, though. I’m just not sure how much energy to devote to finishing my last position, to prepare for my new position, and to put towards finding another new position. I wouldn’t even be concerned with the latter right now, except that I’m dealing with a special service, and the opportunity arose.

So, we’re moving forward, I guess, though I probably won’t have much time to do anything until October.

It’s okay, I think. I’m a little nervous, but that’s probably normal…

philosophy, spirituality

Frustrations at the magyikal rock shop

Yeah. So you know I did go back to the rock shop today. Kinda embarrassed to meet the same salesperson as helped me last time. While there I touched a lot of stuff, looked over a lot of crystals, with no time limit. Of course, both M and D got tired and went to sit in the car while I made my selections.

This…I don’t know exactly why I do this. Actually, I do. I have a little Raven in me and get attracted to little sparklies that are supposed to be magic. I’ve also decided that if I’m going to be investing in things to make me feel like I have something, I should make sure it isn’t just colored glass. (Synthetic materials have different energetic profiles than actual stones, at least according to what I can feel.)

I did come away with a number of little colored stones. Unfortunately, one of these was Stibnite. At least, I think so. Stibnite, I found upon later research, is the same thing as Antimony Trisulfide. The primary ore of the metalloid Antimony. Antimony is toxic.

[[EDIT, 8-20-2019: I have since remembered the actual name of this material, and looked it up online. The material is “Shungite,” a carbon-bearing stone, not “Stibnite,” an antimony-bearing stone. Many apologies to the people who run this store! See more details in today’s post. I am leaving the rest of this post as-is to be honest about my folly.]]

Of course, there was a book at that store talking about how Stibnite (if I’m recalling correctly) was mostly carbon, and how to make potions using it (which I assume would be consumed internally; though I didn’t read that far into it, honestly).

I am wondering about the publisher of that book, now, or if there was an ulterior motive to selling it other than driving sales of Stibnite (most of which comes from China, I found on my Web searches). Of course, I’m also wondering if I really saw what I remember seeing, because that was utterly false and dangerous information. It’s also causing me to wonder whether that shop is on the level ethically; or whether the people running it just don’t know what they’re doing, or anything about chemistry or basic research.

And I wish I didn’t have to say that, but looking up “Stibnite toxicity” on Google — at least with my search history (your search history on Google alters your future search results, unfortunately) — comes up with a ton of sites on the first search, saying how highly toxic it is.

Yeah, so given that I was rubbing it on my fingers like graphite (because I thought, at the time, that it was like graphite — and it has a Mohs hardness of 2)…I’m not too cool with that, right now.

The bright spot is having a bunch of other crystals which are beautiful and which I may be able to use in the future, where it comes to meditation. I think. It’s been so long since I’ve done this that I can’t exactly remember how to properly use them.

My project had been envisioned to broadcast energy of healing and strength, roughly. Kind of like a metta meditation, but not Buddhist. Negative emotions are pretty much inevitable; falling victim to them, isn’t. In my mind, life can’t all be Heaven all the time, but we can keep it from becoming Hell.

I am having a little bit of solipsism driving me, as well: the idea that there’s a reason I’m looking out through this particular experience at this particular time — and is it because I’m supposed to do something?

Letting go of organized religion, that is, and not forcing myself to pretend to believe what a group believes, has left me with a sense of the positivity of my own resting space.

Life is a mystery…and even more mysterious when I stop trying to force obviously untrue explanations on it. I have not, however, gone to the point of disbelieving any non-naturalistic explanation, as that requires me to abstain from the possibility of affirming an explanation which might be plausible. (Just because some spiritual explanations are implausible, that doesn’t mean all are.)

I have more to say, but my medications are kicking in, and I’m not going to be able to think on this level for much longer.

As a note to myself, though: that light-colored blue stone (not gem quality) is rough Aquamarine. I know I’ll forget this if I don’t say that. The tiny green stone is a green Garnet — probably Grossular or Demantoid, though something called “Uvarovite” I remember from my book, which can be green. The “massive” (not by size, but manner of formation) blue-green stone in black matrix that looks like Turquoise, is Emerald; and the dark pink stone is Rhodochrosite. Everything else, I should be able to identify easily.

I should also mention that I did go to a bookstore today, and am somewhat surprised at all the dark magic books. Seriously? Coming from a life experience where I had to deal with dark emotions for a fairly long time, I can see it as a developmental step on the way to positivity…but in my case, it wasn’t a place to stay. It’s hard to believe in yourself, that is, when you think or know you’re wrong or lost. What I did read was not…something I could tolerate for long, or something I would go back to.

Of course, “dark” may basically mean, “not Llewellyn brand”, but I haven’t been deep enough into that particular scene, to know.