art, craft, creativity, food, needlework, painting, paper crafts, personal, sewing

Switching between modes?

Now that I know there are no additional assignments for my course and the end is in sight, I’m feeling a good deal better about it. For the past few days, I’ve been chipping away at this, trying to get it done before I need to. The bright spot here is that I’m now ahead of schedule, to the point that I can relax a bit.

By next Friday, I hope to be totally done, though through Tuesday (it’s currently Friday), I’ll have at least half-day commitments.

I’ve decided to use library computers for my ongoing job research; at least, where it comes to accessing previously unknown websites. Although I’m using a relatively high amount of security on my computer, I encounter enough broken links to make me cautious. (Actually, the cautiousness pre-dates the security — it was just validated by my need to keep myself online while I was in school.)

I’ve also written my last thank-you note from Graduation. :) That was more fun than I expected…I got to draw with translucent and opaque markers on top of a printed card. I also included one of my tatted butterflies (which seemed to legitimate the process of having made it). So the paper-crafting…I’m wondering about combining it with sewing. I don’t know how that would eventually work out, but I got the idea by using one of my awls to punch holes in the card, in order to tie on the butterfly (which I did with a needle and thread).

I really really really want to do something with a needle and thread. I’m not sure whether this will be hand stitching (like quilting or garment work), or embroidery — or beadweaving — though maybe I shouldn’t categorize it, at this point. Maybe I should just start piecing things, or embroidering samples to be stitched together later. I did see some really nice counted-thread needlework at the State Fair which encompassed shapes (curves) that I didn’t expect; but I’m not sure I’m that precision-focused.

What I did do today was practice my tatting. I’m still working on combining rings and chains, and haven’t yet had to restart my current sample (though I want to do it in pink and red instead of ecru and green). I’ve learned to watch for having put in the correct number of double stitches and picots before closing loops, and to keep from inadvertently catching threads within those loops before closing them. Because the pattern I’m working with now always has four double stitches before a picot (loop) or a join or turn, it’s easy to remember. And I am getting better — my hands mostly remembered the motions.

The really good point about this? I’m using DMC #5 perle cotton, which comes in tons of colors and is super cheap, so I don’t feel bad about using up expensive thread while learning. Really, the most expensive things are the tatting shuttles, and they’re reusable.

Since Wednesday, I haven’t physically worked on painting at all (unless you consider buying pads of quality watercolor paper, work; I’ve learned not to), though I have watched some instructional videos on painting. I suppose it’s easier to keep doing something I’m already doing (working on the computer), than it is to switch modes into something else.

However…let’s see. What have I been doing for the last three days?

So Wednesday, I was basically studying. Yesterday (Thursday) I did some produce shopping, specifically after things I could cook and eat, which weren’t sweet. Today (Friday) was the gym, and cooking. That was long beans with mild (Italian?) sausage, onion, green onion, a little hoisin, a little soy sauce, and a little sesame oil. It turned out surprisingly well, though D suggests using ground pork next time, so that I can tweak the seasonings myself (instead of having to deal with the sausage, which had some surprising flavors of salt and anise — although I have had Chinese recipes with star anise before [like Red-Cooked Chicken]).

I still need to shower, wash my clothes, and maybe change my sheets. Tomorrow, I might be able to hit the Farmer’s Market for stone fruit. We bought maybe 10 lbs. (D estimated) of stone fruit last week, and I’ve eaten the majority of it (that is, I haven’t had to toss much moldy fruit from that batch). That has had some odd consequences for my digestion and my weight, but I haven’t gotten upset stomach, yet. (That can happen.) The thing about Farmer’s Markets is that they have fresher and riper fruit than most of the stores.

I picked up some kale and Savoy cabbage to cook with bacon; I also bought materials for mushroom chicken (yellow, zucchini, and white zucchini squash; we have the mushrooms and frozen chicken breast). I’m thinking the kale is going to be the next thing to become unusable, though, meaning I should probably aim to prepare it as soon as feasible. (It generally just gets wilted and mildewy [fresh kale should never smell like mildew at the store], but it’s easy to replace.) The Savoy cabbage is the regular Savoy (a compact head), not Salad Savoy (a blossom-looking thing), so it will likely last longer.

EDIT: Actually, mushroom chicken with rice, sounds good for tomorrow’s dinner.

And, right: I got Poblano chiles and onion, to try and make rajas. I found out when making corn salsa last week, that scorched Poblanos with the skins peeled off are really delicious. You just take the seeds and ribs out and put them face-up under the broiler until the skin blisters and darkens and pulls away, then you can take the skin off (after they cool)…and the chile tastes excellent, just like that. I was really surprised. Rajas, as I’ve gotten them in restaurants, have Poblanos and roasted onion, though I am not sure how to do the onion, yet; I’m planning to try and broil them with the Poblanos.

On a wide scale, I’m looking at the probability of switching between modes of thought and behavior, moreso than now. I’m wondering if it will be possible to do detail and system-oriented technical work for my job, and not let that have an effect where I’m impacted in my creativity, at home and in my art. I mean, actually, work on not letting that have an effect, as a goal, and reason to pursue the Art.

Maybe my art can be my time to break loose from systems and precise, regimented thinking.

Well — there’s also a gradual transition here from being a student, into becoming a fully-functioning adult…which is a place I haven’t fully occupied, before. That is a good thing (the former, not the latter)! I mean, if I look at what I’ve been doing today, it’s normal life stuff. That hasn’t been “normal” for me, for a long time, if I’ve ever even been in a place like this, before…

jewelry, personal, psychology

Recap, and envisioning my future self.

Okay, so…that bit of time when I was up until after midnight this last Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning, and had to wake early Wednesday? I’m still feeling the aftereffects. (Of course, it is only Thursday. The days seem to be going slower for me, recently.)

I fell asleep by accident at 8 PM last night (Wednesday), then woke up at 3:30 AM (today, Thursday) from the local fox screaming in the backyard. (It’s probably a girl; we read that vixens scream to attract mates.) At that time, I realized I had missed my 9 PM medication…by 6.5 hours…and got up to take it. I also had to eat a little bit to avoid becoming sick from the meds — plantain chips. (It must have worked, as I didn’t get nauseous, and I wasn’t nauseous when I woke up.)

Then I brushed my teeth and got back in bed, to wake up at 9 AM for the live meeting of my current course. That was relatively difficult to get through; I went back to bed at 9:50 after it ended, skipping produce shopping for today.

So…I think that will have to wait until tomorrow, to avoid being on the road during rush hour. We did go out, though I basically had to eat two meals to stay up. The only way I am staying up right now is that I drank a caffeinated soda. I’m also eating some chocolate, which is likely not a coincidence.

I still haven’t written about last weekend, though…I wonder if I wrote anything by hand? I know I did, some. Any names mentioned here would have to be altered or omitted for confidentiality reasons…but basically, my dad’s cousin had a family gathering, and I got to meet family whom I had met maybe once before. There’s a lot of history that precedes me here; some that precedes my father; it’s not proper for the blog, but whose family history is…?

In any case, it was nice to meet people, though I kind of wish I had been more up to the task of being social. Because I’m a shy person by nature, I did do a little tatting at brunch to withdraw a bit. I am amazed at how many people know what tatting is! It’s sweet when they find you and recognize what you’re doing. <3

I’m also starting to really love tatting, or at least the fact that it’s extremely portable, and calming. I find that I can listen and be aware of my environment at the same time as I’m paying attention to what my hands are doing. Having my attention nominally on my handwork, though…it means that I’m not expected to talk.

I guess it’s kind of like the smartphone in the hands of the kid sitting next to me; it gives the impression that one is occupied, though I find that tatting doesn’t take up as much cognitive attention (as versus fine motor attention) as the phone does. I gave him some visual cues to signal that I could talk, but he was absorbed in his phone. I assumed that he didn’t want to talk as much or moreso than myself, so I left him alone.

So…after that, we headed off to Monterey. I still have most of a bag of candies from there (okay, about 60% now)…it’s kind of hard to visit Monterey and not come home with salt water taffy. The time we spent down there, we were with one of my aunts. It was nice to talk with her one-on-one, though I wish I had said more than I did. I just happen to be a listening kind of person, I guess.

Also, we visited the aquarium, which was interesting and cute. There were two high points for me: one were the birds (including the aviary [where I saw someone unsuccessfully try to entice a Snowy Plover into his hand: the plover just looked at him, about eight inches out of reach] and the Pigeon Guillemots in a separate exhibit); the other was the diving beetle exhibit!

Okay, so the two Pigeon Guillemots whom we saw in an exhibit were playing with the people looking at them by acting cute (trying to swim up to us, even though the glass obviously blocked them). I’m thinking they had learned that if they interacted with people (even people behind glass), they could get us to do things. :) They went away when I looked up to try and figure out what they were. I think they thought I was signaling disinterest (they couldn’t see the sign I was looking at), though I was really just a little embarrassed by how cute they were (and that I couldn’t give them any fish).

The diving beetles, though…that was just amazing. It was crazy seeing all the little beetles swimming around underwater! They have two paddle-like legs, and a bubble of air under their shells, and they just…swim. It’s amazing. I’ve never seen diving beetles before! (They were at the end of the Viva Baja exhibit.)

So…the places we stayed were also really nice, although I think there was some covert racial bias we encountered outside of the hotels. It’s hard to tell if it was that, or just a couple of instances of poor service.

So I don’t forget myself, I should mention that I visited a gallery/boutique on Cannery Row where I was able to purchase a black ceramic ring with a metallic polish. It reminds me very much of a hematite ring I had (and loved) in high school, and kept until it finally got a stress fracture. I found out later that hematite isn’t the greatest material for rings, as rings have to be hard-wearing, and hematite is vulnerable to stress fractures from rapid temperature changes, and also to fractures from shock (say, by putting one’s hand down on a table).

It doesn’t take a lot to crack hematite. It reminds me of another stone, fluorite, though fluorite is orders of magnitude more fragile than hematite (I’ve chipped it just by trying to bend a wire I’ve strung it onto). Opal is another one of those stones that is extremely easy to damage…it has acquired a reputation for bad luck because it’s so difficult to set.

Anyhow, the ring itself is really nice. The ceramic itself is a very hard, strong, and durable ceramic called a, “gem ceramic,” made from zircon. The last time I wore it to work, I found a shiny black chip trapped under the ring, and realized upon examining the ring for damage that the chip had to have come off of the paint from the shelving cart I had been handling.

I was just really amazed at the fact that my purchase decision was so easy — in lieu of getting a graduation ring, I got this. It has, however, also made me want to expand my earlobe piercings again. I stopped and let my piercings shrink down because I wasn’t sure I would want to go to large-gauge jewelry. However, at this point…this ring really matches the aesthetic I was going for. I’ve also worn plenty of my own jewelry, and I think it’s really okay that I wear jewelry which is different from the jewelry that I make. It’s a style decision.

Right now, I’m thinking that I’m okay with going up to 10 gauge, and with purchasing earrings at that size (as versus making them). Of course, at the moment, I’m closer to 20 gauge — standard earwire girth. It will take months to safely expand my piercings again, but I’m up to it. When I originally got pierced, it was at 14 gauge, I was young, and I told myself that I wouldn’t go up in gauge until I was very sure I wanted to.

Hey, it’s been about 15 years, and I’m pretty sure I’m good with it, now! Also, if I’m going to be a Librarian or Information Professional, I pretty much don’t have to worry about bias instigated by my jewelry. A lot of younger people wear this style, though it started (here, at least) with Generation X. I’m from the generation that followed.

So recently…I’ve been able to get more of a handle on dealing with my own style. For instance…I’ve decided to keep my hair long, and to wear it with its natural curl. I’ve found that if I clip my hair back, it puts less strain on my scalp than it does when I wear my hair pulled back. We have also been visiting some beauty supply stores, and I’ve found a type of shampoo and conditioner (by “Shea Moisture”) that is gentle enough to use frequently. It does seem to be a very good thing for me to use sulfate-free shampoo.

I do need to trim my ends, but I also found a styling aid that makes it much easier to comb. I’m considering — once I get my sleep stuff under control — taking a shower in the morning and washing my hair every day or two, so that I can wear it long and curly, without having slept on it first. I also finally have a decent hair dryer which I can use to target my roots, so I don’t get too cold, and so that I can avoid mildew growth. Hair care is the major reason for me to cut my hair short: I have a type of hair that is very high-maintenance (thick, wavy, and curly), and in the past, I didn’t want to be burdened with it. However, now I know that having it long is a choice, not a requirement.

I also now have enough makeup to practice, as well; though I need to wash my powder brush. There’s that, and the fact that I have to keep my body hair trimmed, if I want to wear sleeveless shirts and dresses. Then there’s the exercise which I want to get back to so that I can tighten my body up again and regain some leanness and hypertrophy (and energy). I really don’t have anything against being larger; it’s just the belly and the health drawbacks (and the specter of the weight gain from my medications not ceasing) that are causing me to work on myself.

I almost can’t believe how much identifying (and finding a community) as gender-nonbinary has freed up so much of my energy, and ceased so much of my angst about conforming or not conforming to standards as either a man or a woman. It’s enabled me to just release it, instead of being trapped in a two-gender dialogue between compulsory femininity and rebellion against compulsory femininity.

I used to hear trans* men say similar things (a great sense of freed-up energy and sense of well-being) about their lives after transition to male, though (which made me want to transition, before I realized I wasn’t them; thus, their solution wouldn’t work for me), so I want to emphasize that the happiness, liberation, and sense of calm comes with finding your authentic self, whoever you are, and finding your own way to engage with the world, over all the noise that tells you that you shouldn’t be you. It has nothing to do with the specific identity of the point you find to be happy at.

For me, getting to this point has had to do with finding what makes me happy, and negotiating out a way to do that, with the world — regardless of others’ opinions of whether or not what I’m doing is, “correct,” (against what standard?) or whether I’m being, “trans enough” — because, cis and trans are relative and culturally contextual terms. In my case, I know I’m going to stand out (firstly, because of my race), no matter what I do, and regardless of whether I want to. My thought is that I might as well aim to become a person I am proud to be: my authentic self; and then let things play out as they will. No regrets.

beading, beadweaving, beadwork, design, jewelry design, seed beads, work

Yesterday

So I want to write, and the thing I want most to write about, is a beadwork design that came to me a few nights ago (I should have dated my design sketch). I am not entirely sure why I want to write about this…kind of like I’m not sure why I want to get off of the computer and stitch, instead of trying to think of essay topics. (It’s pretty clear why I don’t want to do homework: for one thing, I’m too bombed-out from work.)

The lack of understanding of my own urges is something I’ll need to work on. I feel like if I understood what was going on, I could adjust…I guess I’m still not great at giving myself space. For that matter, there’s a lot of psychology that I just don’t understand…

To get it out of the way and off my chest, I did work earlier, though nearly all of that time was spent shelving, cleaning up the library space, and retrieving the book drop. There were two people scheduled to help with the same job besides myself, both of whom were out sick (but I was out sick earlier in the week, too — maybe I should take my nausea more seriously).

Because I’ve been taking care of myself physically (relatively speaking), my healing overuse injury hasn’t been bothering me too much. Thus, I volunteered to spend all of my time chipping away at the backlog of un-shelved items. Yes, I know, stupid. But essentially…I was the only person there in my job title, thus the only person who was there expressly to shelve. I — basically — specialize in it. That, check-in, and sorting.

If I assume that I was shelving at least two carts an hour, and I subtract 45 minutes for the time spent getting the book drop, picking up abandoned items, and going on break, that means that I shelved at least 10-11 carts. I would expect this as a minimum, given that I can shelve a cart in as little as 12-20 minutes, depending on a number of factors.

I also gave up my one hour on Circulation (which would have been less work) to work further on the backlogged shelving. The situation at the end of the day wasn’t too bad, considering I was the only person doing the job, and that when I came in there were — if I’m remembering correctly — seven carts ready to go, with additional carts needing to be sorted. I let backroom staff handle the sorting, and most of check-in, today…which was likely a good decision. As it was, there is still work from today that will need to be handled tomorrow. It’s just nowhere near as bad as it might have been.

So now I’ve talked about that, and we can move on. :) I have been reading in the third edition of Conducting the Reference Interview, which I should probably get back to; though tomorrow, I’ll need to deal with my coursework. Homework…YAAA.

Okay. Maybe I can get to the beadwork stuff without guilt, now? ;) I’ve come up with a variation of Tri Stitch which is basically interlaced. It reminds me of what happens when one makes a fabric out of Right-Angle Weave, instead of a simple chain…though with Tri Stitch you basically get hexagons (or diamonds, now that I look at it: my trial had color accents on the tips of the weaving, so it looked more like a honeycomb).

I wanted to make a woven band (I’ll have to use K.O./Miyuki thread for this; C-Lon Micro is much too thick and stiff for multiple thread passes) with 3mm fire-polished beads (or 6/0 seed beads) going down the center, and embellishments on both edges, like the photo I showed earlier on this blog. Here, I’ve just retrieved it again so you don’t have to hop to the original entry:

The picot edging (lower edge) is what I hope to reproduce in this new design. I used two 11/0 Czech beads and four 15/0 Toho rocailles, here. I might be able to reduce the bulk by using all 15/0s.

I haven’t worked it out in reality yet, though; so I’m not even sure what size bead I’ll need to put in the middle of this in order to avoid scrunching up or distorting the work — I have a feeling I may need to use Japanese 6/0s. Everything I’ve got says that it’s going to be an irregular size, because of the angles in use and the dimensions of the 8/0 beads.

But there’s no real way to tell if I’m right, without actually constructing a model.

I’ve found that social media addiction creeping back up on me, again…which is the reason I stopped using it in the first place. (I can’t live my entire life on the Web!) If I can limit my use of it successfully, maybe I won’t have to worry about it keeping me up at night or away from productive uses of my time.

Then there is the issue of becoming known on social media, for instance around beadwork. ;) Do I want that? Am I happy being an anonymous blogger on WordPress? I’m not sure, but I’d say that I probably am happier on WordPress, for now…

Of course, then we start talking about Pinterest and everything and whether I have a need to join so I can help other people use it, blargh.

I don’t even know what Instagram does…though I just looked it up. Huh.

It’s easier than I had anticipated to make design drawings for this; however…it really (I mean seriously) helps to use bullet-tip markers to draw bead representations, rather than using fineliners. The thing about design drawings is that they don’t translate exactly to whatever you’re designing, due to the precision needed in the dimensions and shapes of the beads. They’re good as notations that will help you figure out where you’re going…but not something one should bet on being able to exactly reproduce IRL.

It also helps me to draw a bead as a straight line, perpendicular to its stringing direction, sometimes.

Anyhow. It’s now 45 minutes after midnight — I should sleep.

career, craft, creativity, fiber arts, jewelry, self care, work

Despite it: what do I *want* to do?

Hmm. You know, the question of what I really want to do has come up over the last few days. Not what would be profitable to do — but how I want to spend my time.

I think my life is becoming more clearly divided between work, professional development, and leisure…where I didn’t really have anything to compare “leisure” to, before. I wonder what it would have been like if I worked for years before going into University.

Most likely, to be honest, I probably wouldn’t have made it through (unless I went through Community College first to maintain my study skills), but aside from that, it would have helped me to have had some work experience. That way, I could actually tell what kind of work I was interested in (and where I could be hired), in Undergrad, and aim my major and studies accordingly.

Still — I would not have likely ended up with as much education as I have now, because I would have had practical experience of life outside academia. I also might have been able to take a more direct route to a career. But that’s me looking back at my 18-year-old self from about two decades into the future. I suppose it’s easy to have regrets (or “regrets”), and to see where things could have gone differently.

So many of those early decisions powerfully affect what comes later, at least if one allows them to. For instance, I shunted myself out of a career in the Hard Sciences early, by opting not to take University-level Math. This placed me squarely in the Social Sciences and Humanities, which happened to be where my then-current interests lay. However, those interests were influenced by never before having had the opportunity to learn these things, and also by an early experience of unexplained dysfunctional social dynamics.

In any case, not everything I do (at least, now) has to be marketable, or something I plan to or can make money on: writing is an example. Yes, I had an undergraduate major in Creative Writing, but that decision affected two years in my early twenties. Ironically, I didn’t know much about myself, then. It shouldn’t define the rest of my life.

I think that up until now, most — if not all — of my time was primarily focused on academic pursuits and work. Right now, I’m not in college anymore (for the first time in years), and I have the hope of a higher-paying career, which won’t require me to have a second (or possibly third) job.

Earlier, I was reading and realized how much easier it was to take in information than to put out information. If I do this Librarianship thing for real, reading is much more important than writing. Like, way more. Writing does help, but unless I work in an Academic Library, publishing probably isn’t a huge pressure. If I did work in an Academic Library, it’s unlikely that I’d be asked to write fiction.

Out of this, I realize that it…likely is okay for me to do what I want to, with my free time (apart from work, reading, and Professional Development). That includes crafts, and it doesn’t have to include Illustration, regardless of whether or not I got a degree in Art.

All of this has been wonderfully enriching, but it doesn’t mean I have to hold to the same pattern for the rest of my life. I know that I appreciate the arts; I also know that I appreciate well-crafted writing. I found community in Art; from both of these pursuits I’ve learned how important it is to me to have creative output. It’s basically really hard for me to live without making things. Without records, the days run together, and I lose track of what has happened — which is a major underlying reason for my own blogging.

The thing is, my career path as it stands now is not exactly a creative one. I don’t, however, have to make all my waking hours about my job and my career — right now I still have space for free time. Assuming success with my job and career, there isn’t any need for what I do during that free time, to be profitable.

So, I finally was able to begin practicing tatting, the other night. For those who haven’t been following this blog, tatting is a form of lacemaking. And…I do think I’ve earned enough time to be able to do something that’s just about me, and not about money.

The beadwork I had been doing, had been migrating from being a pleasurable pastime, to being a microbusiness…and I’m not thinking that my designs come quickly enough for that work to be decently profitable. Of course, I can still teach the designs to others…

For that matter, I might become capable of teaching other creative pastimes, without the need for those pastimes to be commercially profitable.

As for writing, and the whole graphic novel thing…I shouldn’t force it. It’s been a very long time since I’ve written any fiction (actually, I believe Christmas was the last attempt); right now, I’m angled more towards nonfiction. Essays. Blogging. I also haven’t been drawing. While it’s attractive to restart the latter, drawing an entire graphic novel is very different than just doing one-off sketches. A graphic novel requires drawing much more — including things one doesn’t want to draw, or possibly see — than making images in general.

Right now…there are still a lot of things I want to work on. The two things I have wanted to work on today — other than logging this — have been practicing the tatting, and working on the blouse project I left off of. There is also the embroidery issue, which I’ve been dealing with for years…I’ve just been wondering what I could make for myself that includes such. (That I would wear, I mean…)

It is true I do have a lot of beads. I also have a number of designs to try out…but I shouldn’t push myself to work on them, too hard. They’ll be here. And right now, I’ve invested more than I would get back from sales. Maybe I’m making it too hard for myself to get back to working on my beadwork, by giving myself too many options, going through too much to set myself up in hopes of success. I’m not just forging ahead without a thought to the future, which, ironically, is likely a much more productive stance in the short-term.

I’m also planning on seeing through these last two courses. Maybe after those are over, I can deal with producing jewelry to sell (though I highly doubt that, if I got a full-time job, or even a part-time job in a higher position that required training and study, I would have enough time or energy to deal with it, either). I suspect that…given time and a lack of pressure, I will likely go back to it.

Right now, though…I want to try and deal with the fiber work, and the sewing. I don’t know why. But I suspect that cross-medium capability in micromacramé, lacework, embroidery, and beadweaving together, could lead to something really nice. I’ve seen examples of the beautiful things that can be made with beaded lace…which is obviously very distant from me, right now. But it’s enough to help spur me on. The thing is, I’m not sure how much time I would have to explore these things, if I were producing work for money.

I think that’s the real issue. Time, and allowing myself the latitude to explore.

design, organization, personal, planning, self care

Chrono logy

I’m writing right now because I’m not quite ready to start my homework again, and for some reason, I can tell something needs to get out. There’s a lot of stuff happening, and a lot yet to happen — things kind of competing for pieces of my time. At least when I’m at work, there is a clear hierarchy of tasks to help me prioritize and complete everything. At home, though, it’s different — there is work, and school, and family life, and personal life — and I’m not sure which is most important, at this time.

I need to get my homework out of the way very soon; I’m aiming for completing it during the next two days, to give myself two extra days if I slack or have extra trouble. I’m cutting out working on it today, unless I start my second practice assignment late tonight…which I don’t think is a good idea, as I worked six and a half hours today. I can stomach re-reading what I already read, though. I can also stomach watching the videos that I’m told don’t relate to the rest of the unit, which sounds better.

The good thing is that I already am kind of familiar with the Dewey 800 range (Literature), from my first Cataloging course and from my shelving work; that’s what we’re working on now.

Notably, I had an easier time at work, today, due to a number of things. I think people chipping in has a lot to do with it. Because of that, because my manager has been meeting with everyone to get them up to speed, and because I’ve been prioritizing my own shelving of the least-liked carts, I think things have been running more smoothly.

So…I was at work for an extra 30 minutes today. I figured it was okay to talk to people a little — normally I would be all-business (or mostly-business), but I’ve been trying to be a bit more gentle on myself since I got an overuse injury in one of my tendons. (I’m pretty sure it was from working too hard.) I’ve also been trying to be more gentle on myself since my graduation ceremony happened, and since it’s set in that no one is recording my Grade Point Average anymore and tying it to my financial aid and continued good standing in the Master’s program. What I am dealing with is finishing my course material on time, in order to earn a Certificate showing that I completed the class…which is, I know, relatively minor.

I do still need to call my vocational program to set up a meeting (I would like help obtaining work experience in an Academic Library setting) — it’s been two weeks since I was notified to call in. I’ve been meaning to do it since before Commencement (my graduation ceremony), but around then I also knew I didn’t know how my time was going to pan out for the near future.

Right now I have the time to meet, but I also don’t know when my required meeting times (for my next course) will happen. I’m guessing Monday mornings, from what is up on one of the course pages, but the course hasn’t started yet — hence, the page where I read this information is not yet up to speed.

Another thing stopping me from scheduling an appointment was the fact that I was working on another job application. It’s turned in, now. There is a tentative date of Monday, June 10 scheduled for the placement test…and I have no control over whether they accept me into that, or not. The major issue is that I don’t have a Driver’s License, though I’m qualified for the position in other ways (though I’m told there are Librarians in that system without licenses, it looks like this is a new requirement).

We also have family visiting us, and that time will be over in the beginning of next week…so there is another time pressure (which maybe shouldn’t be a time pressure, but I value my time with family and don’t want to be working my *** off instead of savoring time with them while we’re together, and trying to unwind before the next phase of my growth…kind of paralleling the work situation).

There have also been two jewelry projects that have come up, but I don’t think those are getting done as soon as I or we have hoped. There’s too much that matters more, in the near future, not to mention that I’ve realized that the creative process is a continual process and that I keep getting better and different designs, the more I focus. That’s…not necessarily great, if I fail to execute any design to completion.

The other thing that matters is that I need to practice my driving (my employment may hinge on it), though that probably won’t be happening for at least a week. Too soon, I will need to renew my Learner’s Permit…

…and I just got my first taste of Mario Kart on the Nintendo Switch. Kind of cool…good as something to take my mind off of things for a minute…which may be better for me than it sounds.

As regards beading, I’ve got a number of ideas. One is to make a twisted herringbone rope with drop beads at its edges. Another is to make a twisted spiral Tri Stitch with SuperDuos in place of the drop beads in my last model, and run an embellishment through the second hole in each SuperDuo. The third is to make a line of Quad Stitch (like Tri Stitch but with one extra bead in the gap), alternating 8/0s and SuperDuos, then running another line between the SuperDuos and 8/0s.

Yeah, that’s a lot, and it’s probably not all that clear, but I needed to at least try and make a record of my thoughts somewhere, so I wouldn’t forget them. Even chicken-scratchy design drawings, help me recall what I was thinking.

Okay, Internet. Bedtime, now. Tomorrow, produce shopping and Unit 4!

creativity, personal

Imagining pretty things = precursor to making them.

It’s another Thursday night, and I can finally say that I did, in fact, make it out to that art store. Mainly, the reason to go was for inspiration, though I found a new brand of linoleum cutters that I’m trying out, and was able to replace my worn Speedball blades. I know now not to use them on hard linoleum, which I didn’t, before. (According to web research, linoleum can have stone powder in it, which is probably what destroyed my X-Acto and Speedball blades. There is also soft linoleum, though, which is what I tested these blades on, tonight.)

As regards those Speedball blades: the handle (I’m using the red version; there’s also a blue one) needs some tweaking to get things in and out cleanly. Basically, the collet unscrews and that loosens a slot that a blade can fit into (on only one side). What’s weird is that loosening the collet to take the blade out doesn’t always do the job; sometimes the blade needs to be rotated in the collet to disengage. That’s not entirely safe, especially with the double-edged knife that got stuck tonight for some reason. I don’t know why, but I do know that I’ve had trouble with that handle from the beginning — maybe it just takes a little experience to use.

But yeah, I was able to pick up a set of replacement blades for not too much, and was really happy with them, when I got them home. I didn’t see any replacement blades for the X-Acto linoleum carving set.

Tonight I began drawing, again. I intended to design a new linocut, but things quickly moved away from that as I began adding (imagined) colors to the intended design. The deal with that is that each new color (aside from gradations), in a block print, necessitates a different block, or at least a different impression. What I’ve got is interesting, though a little busy. I’m fighting the urge to simplify my lines, meaning that I’ve got a lot of stuff that looks like old-style fire or ki.

I’m also trying to finish the Borden & Riley Vellum that I got a really long time ago, because I’ve used all but two sheets in the pad. It doesn’t make sense to hang onto the last two, especially considering how inexpensive B&R paper is. By accident, I got a duplicate pad of Fabriano hot-press watercolor paper, today. Luckily, this means that I don’t have to feel under pressure to make “good” art on it; though it is only 25% cotton. (Most archival-quality watercolor paper is 100% cotton; the lignin in wood pulp causes acidification of the paper, which can cause eventual color change.)

And, I suppose, I could even start out with grisaille sketches again, if I wanted to. Grisaille is basically a term for “greyscale;” it allows one to isolate, compare and adjust values (lightness or darkness) in an image, prior to making a color version. I have Lamp Black watercolor (not to mention, black ink — though I wouldn’t use waterproof ink with delicate brushes — I hear pen cleaner is harsh on them), and I know these types of studies aren’t hard. I might want to tackle that in the near future!

Which reminds me now that I have dip pens and new brushes to try out…I got them a long time ago, and didn’t have the time to devote to using them at all.

I’ve been collecting things to draw for years, too (this being why I have a bunch of the plants that I have, which reminds me that I still need to repot the Dwarf Umbrella plant), so I shouldn’t have a hard time finding a subject. What jumps to mind at first are shells, and my mineral collection, though I’ve also used jewelry. Scarves, maybe combined with jewelry, could be a more advanced study (fabric is notoriously hard to render in painting and drawing). I also have some trinkets and a vase and a pine cone…I really have been collecting stuff, haven’t I?

Yeah, I do have a lot of stuff to make images out of! My poor plants, though. They aren’t in the greatest of health, and that’s majorly because they’re indoors. Particularly, the succulents need more light, but with the amount they need, I would have to put them outside. Given how well the little one in the crack in the front yard is doing (which is basically a weed now), they would probably be okay as regards water; but I also like having them around, too.

The Dwarf Maidenhair Fern is still…ugh. I mean, seriously, I’ve looked up Maidenhair Ferns online and found them referred to as “The Diva of Houseplants,” from more sources than I care to list, though how many of them are copies of each other, I also don’t care to verify… The fact that I have the one I do is basically my own fault, though, because I have a thing for Maidenhair Ferns. When they’re healthy, they’re beautiful. The issue is that they need constant watering and misting and high humidity and don’t tolerate much of anything well (except shade).

My house isn’t cold, dark and damp, so of course the fern isn’t happy. On the other end, we’ve got my hardy Dwarf Umbrella plant, which needs watering once in a while and some light, and it’s happy (though while I was sick, I forgot to water it, and it nearly died).

Luckily…I don’t yet have pets. If I did, I would have to be more vigilant, though I do have a dream of getting two or three guppies. For some reason, I really like guppies–! The fact that they’re also hardy is very good; the major issue is what to do if we end up moving, or where to put the aquarium. See, if I had an aquarium, I could put the fern near it, and that would likely make it humid enough for them.

I also have recurring dreams of having fish that I’ve forgotten about which have died of starvation, though, which is not that encouraging. However, I’ve gotten a lot better about routine essential things…particularly sleep, medication, and caring for the plants. My folks wouldn’t have given me an aquarium unless the plants stayed alive. Right now, though…I wonder just about having an aquarium with aquatic plants in it. I think I would like to have fish in there, who would be able to complete the cycle of food to poop to plant to clean water; but it’s a monetary and care commitment, not to mention what would happen if there were a major earthquake.

Of course…I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve lived through a number of major earthquakes. I wouldn’t call it PTSD, but I once in a while think to myself about what would happen if an earthquake occurred now. This is probably just a survival thing, because it happens more frequently than any major earthquake occurs. But I do know that it’s scary to be in a house with a full aquarium when the ground is rolling — both for the fish and for me. If it weren’t a practical awareness with a practical use, I’d call it anxiety, but it’s probably a good anxiety to have (to a degree).

Of course, though, there is also the anxiety of being far from home…which relates to my job search. Particularly…in a natural disaster, I might be called in to work, and in a disaster like Loma Prieta, which knocked out a major bridge, tunnel, and freeway leading to the Peninsula, it might take a very long time to get there (while my house might be in danger of burning down).

The practical thing is to move closer to work; but housing prices are exorbitant in this area, and there’s the question of what I would do if I lost my job.

Maybe I can just make a terrarium, eh? Put a little Venus Flytrap in there and some soil and rocks and lights, or something. A fern might like that…the only question is how to avoid steaminess in there, or the eventual development of mold.

Maybe I should read up on it.

Right now, it’s become Friday morning…I should probably do something like sleep (though I accidentally fell asleep, right before dinner). Tomorrow, I need to work on my Dewey unit…hmm. I know it was suggested that we see the Pikachu movie then, but I think that with everything going on — to be responsible, I should at least start my next unit (I haven’t touched it, so far). I only have until Monday, to get it done.

The biggest pain with that is actually taking notes. I don’t mind the reading or watching videos; the annoying thing is trying to guess what information is important, and trying to recall it. I could have done that instead of writing this…but I didn’t want to.

career, ceramics, craft, libraries, LIS, self care

I wonder if this is what all that fatigue was about…

…which I spoke about three weeks ago. I suppose it is possible that I could have been fighting something off for two weeks without getting sick, until my immune defenses lowered. I guess that means that when I’m feeling fatigued, it actually is an okay thing to get some rest. If I had done that, maybe I could have killed off the invasion (I’m pretty sure it’s viral) before it made me sick.

A bunch of things have happened since I made my last substantive post (the one before the post from earlier today). The one I’m thinking of is having been notified that I may be called in to interview for a Librarian I position. That, in turn, got me to restart my career reading. (I actually finished The Librarian’s Guide to Homelessness the other night, which has a companion site, homelesslibrary.com. I like the author, Ryan Dowd, though I can tell we’re of different worldviews. I kind of envy his.

I also wrote in to the Career Center at my school, and was encouraged to push on in the direction of an Adult Services Librarian in a Public Library setting, with which the aforementioned book helps a lot. So that means…three places I’ve applied to have told me that I may be called, but haven’t yet called me (though I took a test with one, and scored decently); one was an overt no; one I have to reapply to; and one (the one I’m currently employed by) hasn’t opened their candidate list to the outside in a very long time.

I also didn’t get into the running for a Clerk position at my current place of employment, and think it may be because I have a Master’s in Library Science, although the form email told me it was because I wasn’t qualified.

I almost forgot to mention that another nearby Library System did send out a call for applications, but as I don’t yet have a Driver’s License, I was excluded. Kind of ironic that I would be considered for Hawai’i, but not considered for a place 30 minutes away.

I did just go and send in another Job Interest Card for Hawai’i. I know I have applied for one position; unfortunately, I’m not sure that keeps me in the running for lower-ranking similar positions. But I’m getting the hang of this job application thing, now; particularly where it comes to Civil Service. (Not that I’ve particularly thought through the ramifications of being a government employee!)

As for more reading; if I can tolerate it, I will want to get back to Conducting the Reference Interview, which I’ve planned to read only until I reach the tech portions (my edition was published too long ago to be current, there); and the book I have on dealing with hostile customers, by Robert Bacal. That one also has a companion website, not to mention two different levels of seriousness. It takes a different angle than the service-to-the-homeless one, due to the fact that it targets a different set of customer cohorts.

The big issue with both of these books is that reading them is actually basically either work or Professional Development, depending on one’s angle. I’ve been particularly triggered by Bacal’s work (in combination with what I’ve experienced and witnessed), though I did purchase the more “serious” version of the book, which is actually a workbook for those employed in the public sector.

They should both be helpful if I get a Librarian I position anywhere, though. Actually, they should be helpful if I interview for a Librarian I position anywhere, too. And I should remember that replaying rough scenarios in my head is likely worse than dealing with them, would be.

On top of that, my next Cataloging class is set to kick in, though it’s only for four weeks. I do, however, have access to the coveted tool that I didn’t realize I’d lose access to when Beginning Cataloging ended in 2017. I should make use of it, while I can. It would be a very good use of my time.

I also have the deadline for re-submission of that last application, and for submitting all graduation information, coming up. And I need to be working on my driving, again. I could have been in the running for a nearby Librarian I position, but didn’t have a driver’s license (which is probably necessary because the crime rates of the area make it dangerous to walk, at least at night). I’ve gotten to the point where driving is less scary and I have more control, but I still need assistance. (I have a tendency to hang a little far to the right.) Sunday mornings are perfect for this…when I’m not sick!

The other night, when I was pretty much too sick to do anything more than just read, I was looking through a number of books on beaded micro-macramé by Joan Babcock (the link leads to her website). In the end of her first book, Micro-macramé Jewelry : Tips & Techniques for Knotting With Beads, she writes of a number of ways to bind the ends of knotting, one of which is sewing (p.77). I didn’t even think of that!

So, right now, I want to go and try and make a bunch of little samples and practice binding the ends of them–!! I could use them as key fobs or zipper pulls or something, yeah?

I also looked her up on WorldCat — I’m pretty sure her books are self-published (the press is “Joan Babcock Designs”), so it’s kind of awesome to see that someone (or someones) has cataloged them. By the way, if you try looking her up, the authorized spelling of her name is “Babcock, Joan R.” You should be able to search that name and come up with at least the four or five things I know she has produced (she has four books and one DVD, last I saw). That spelling, currently, differentiates her from others named Joan Babcock, as one finds in a search on the wider Web. (Sometimes, that’s followed by a birth and death date, or a birthdate only, or more information about their identity — which would help you sort through all the other Joan Babcocks, if there were more than one who authored a cataloged work: in this case, there aren’t [as of May 5, 2019].)

There’s more I could go into on that, but I’ve learned not to expect people to be interested. ;)

I’ve also realized that there is no shame in going back to the craft books, when the writers of the books are still more advanced than you. I do have a little library that I’ve collected, over time; and while it is the case that I’m a relatively intermediate beader, I still don’t know everything. This is because there are some stitches, like odd-count peyote (I know how to do this, I just don’t like to) and brick stitches, that I haven’t put too much root into, as I haven’t needed to. Particularly, where it comes to making increases on the edge of brick or peyote stitch…I just am not practiced. I got a book specifically for this, though, called the Bead Stitching Handbook (by Bead & Button Magazine).

Sooner or later, I’m going to have to look through that thing, again…

The fact that I don’t know this stuff basically shows my own bias against making 2-D art (brick and peyote stitch primarily make sheets, which can then be stitched together into 3-D forms; the exception being tubular peyote). I know I can make 2-D art; for whatever reason, though, I’m not drawn to it as strongly as beadwork or ceramics. It’s actually a reason I can recognize, now, for having gotten out of silversmithing…in most modern work, we’re working with sheet and wire, or casting. Casting requires a lot of specialized tools, and I’ve never been able to really get behind flinging molten metal around in a centrifuge…or using oxy-acetylene to melt it in the first place (it can give you eye damage).

There is always PMC (Precious Metal Clay), which I’m now thinking I should examine more closely. Reason I haven’t is that it basically requires a kiln. (It’s possible to fire PMC with a torch, but I wouldn’t trust myself.) “PMC”, also found as “Art Clay”, (they’re different brands) is basically a clay made of tiny metal bits and a binder; on firing, the metal bonds to itself and the binder burns off. I do have a design book from a while ago, when I was more heavily considering using it. At the time, I wanted to learn “real” metalwork, and felt metal clay was this newfangled high-tech thing…but maybe “real” metalwork is just not what I want to do.

Kilns are expensive, and basically, there’s a very obvious fire hazard. But, if I were going to use it both for PMC and for ceramics, that actually does tip the scale a bit in favor of considering one. The biggest reason I’ve held off is the fact that I tend to pick up and drop off hobbies, relatively quickly. I think the “theory” of the practice sounds awesome, while the “practice” of the practice, isn’t always appealing to me. But I can’t tell until I’ve done it.

There’s that, and the cheapest kilns are still really expensive…so I haven’t felt great about sinking money into one. Also: have you seen the prices of pottery? I’ve been able to get some really cheaply at craft fairs–they’re not even ugly! I’m like, how do you make money selling a little tiny cup — and then I remember that clay is earth! Virtually all its value comes from the skill of the ceramicists (and luck with the firings)!

I should practice with some other clays first, though, like the air-dry stuff, cellulose, and polymer clays, knowing that I don’t have to make things like I’ve seen before. It’s been a really long time since I worked with my hands in the manner clay demands, too…it would just be interesting to get back into it.