career, craft, money, personal, psychology, self care, writing

Dealing with passivity…

…or tiredness, lack of energy, lack of motivation. Whatever it’s called, it’s irritating. It actually is a reason I started reading, again: it’s not that big a jump between staying in bed, staying in bed and reading, reading at an actual desk, and getting out of bed. It just kind of eases the transition for me. Plus, reading doesn’t really demand much energy, in comparison to making something or writing.

Right now there are a number of books I can get back to (or begin)…which is good. In particular, I’ve found a new one called Me, Myself, and Us, by Brian Little, which seems to be about psychological adaptability. In particular, what I’ve read so far has to do with concepts about the self, and how it helps with psychological resilience if one can have more axes of definition when it comes to self-conceptualization, rather than fewer.

Hence, if I can define myself as many things, any perceived failure of one self-concept will affect me less. Multidimensionality has an obvious upshot, here. Less obviously, though: for me, it’s difficult to maintain practice in and cover all my areas of interest (beadwork, sewing, reading, writing…and, right, librarianship…etc).

Being able to perceive others through a number of different lenses should also enable me to avoid becoming upset because of automatically imputing a motivation to their behavior (the latter of which, may say more about my own psyche than the other person’s).

Right now I have a hard copy of this book which was delivered on the 31st of July. Because I am paranoid about germs, I’m going to let it rest until this Friday: seven days was the maximum quarantine period I’ve seen mentioned (or rather, I stopped looking after I hit, “a week”), although three days: 72 hours, was a minimum.

A note: Please do your own research if you need to know COVID-19 quarantine periods for books. What I’m saying here (or in any of my posts, really), isn’t representative of the ALA or any other Library association or federation — just me and, in this case, a limited amount of research leading to an overall impression, which should not be depended upon as life-saving advice.

A while back, I mentioned that M and D had said that my period of unemployment (and class-taking) during this pandemic would give me an opportunity to see what I really wanted to do. There’s…really a lot I want to do, and some things I just need to. (And maybe, some things are just, “busy work.”)

What I’ve found that I do enjoy, is reading and writing. The thing is: I can’t do that all the time. I can’t pretend that all of life can be contained in words. It’s obvious, in my case, how much language can constrain and entrap thought; editing out of, “reality,” (or a reality surrogate, more specifically) what people have historically chosen not to recognize. However, a great amount of learning can still be accomplished through language. Organization of thought can also be well accomplished, especially when we choose not to force a concept onto reality that does not fit.

Right now, I have sewing and beadwork as non-verbal outlets, but they require such a large shift away from verbal thought that it’s difficult for me to make the switch. That may be more of a reason to do it, I’m not sure.

There’s also the sad fact that neither beadwork nor sewing nor writing nor reading can be depended upon alone, for a stable and livable income. Librarianship can; but the field is in a heavy state of flux right now. It’s questionable how long the courses I’m in, or planning to take, will continue to be relevant. Editing is also a possibility, though the Publishing industry is also dealing with competition from the Web; and as such, is also in a state of flux.

Okay, I’m…running out of energy, right now. I only slept for 5 hours, last night. How I woke up at 9:30 AM, I don’t know…

beading, beadweaving, beadwork, craft, glass beads, jewelry design, seed beads, self care, writing

D was right…

I need to make a “short list” of things I can do. I had to look it up, but a, “short list,” in this context, is basically high-priority activity. Highest priority, recently, has been working on a paper for my Subject Analysis course. Of course, that’s easier to align my energies to than to actually do, but I have forgotten that I know how to research, and I know how to write — and how to learn. I spent a while today working on this paper, and luckily, I only have less than a page of new content that I’ll need to add (depending on what my instructor specifies — I may not have to add any).

It wouldn’t be so stressful, except for the fact that it is the largest single assignment in the class, and it’s due soon. I also know myself, and I know that I freeze up with big projects and deadlines which are too close to complete the ingest and synthesis processes. However, that anxiety has pushed me to do some review and some research today, which led in turn to gaining things to write about in this paper. So it’s very good that I didn’t put it off, because by the looks of things, I may be done by tomorrow.

Then I can get back to Statistics (which I’ve been putting off, as the projects only have “soft” due dates), and…well, maybe I can get some beadwork done.

I have a couple of beading projects which are basically frozen, right now — though the beads that came on the 21st did give me what I needed to finish one project pretty much seamlessly. The piece uses a lot of violet and green iris beads, maybe too many; I received a set of 4mm green iris fire-polished (FP) beads which will work great where I have placeholders, right now.

Yeah, using opaque pastel mint green FP beads didn’t work out great, once I could piece together what the chain would look like. :)

So…now I need to re-weave the front portion and re-string the sides and back. That may be easier said than done, as I had a difficult time keeping the pattern straight when stringing it, the first time. It would also be interesting if I had less flashy druks (these are your basic round pressed-glass beads); right now this thing is reminding me of New Orleans and Mardi Gras (only the beads will break, if they hit the ground).

There’s also the issue of what thread to use. I’m thinking either C-Lon Micro (for toughness) or K.O./Miyuki (for width), mostly because I have a bunch of both, and because I know that Nymo (which was industry-standard about 20 years ago) is prone to fraying with extended use. FireLine (gel-spun polyethylene) is another good option…the reason I’m not using it at the moment is that I’m not sure what weight I have (the last of my 4-lb. test, I used on the trial necklace), and I know for a fact that it doesn’t knot well.

Things that don’t knot well…are difficult to tie off?

Well, it’s also relatively expensive, and limited in color choice. The reason to get it is for durability (this is the one thread which I know from experience, will stand up to beadweaving with bugle beads [which have sharp edges], for example); the inability to split the thread; its lack of stretch; and its fineness.

I can hear you wondering about WildFire, which I’m thinking would also stand up to sharp glass edges. In my (limited) experience with WildFire, I’ve found it to be a bit thick — and white — meaning that this thread will show up in beadweaving. I’ve seen people color it with permanent marker, which I wouldn’t advise: “Permanent” markers aren’t that permanent, and I’ve seen some of the damage at least Sharpies can do to their substrate.

I’m thinking of a particular post I think I saw several years ago, where the artist in question had drawn pages and pages of comics using black Sharpies, and what was left was faded out and brown. I think it may have been this blog post. For what it’s worth, I think I’ve also seen corrosion of the surrounding paper around Sharpie marks, but I’m not sure about that: I can’t directly and precisely recall the images or writings. Nor can I recall where I would have been using Sharpie heavily, other than in one Painting class and one Drawing class.

I’ve been gradually replacing my vial labels which were made with white masking tape and Sharpie — I’m now using washi tape, as I’ve found the white masking tape has adhesive that degrades and sticks even when the paper component is removed. Many of these labels are really hard to read. (I mean, sure, the vial only cost maybe $0.45, but still.) As for when I wrote that stuff…I’m sure it pre-dates my spreadsheets, because prices and quantities aren’t always recorded. It’s just like, “2,” for: “there are two strands in this vial.” These days, I know that the strands I was recording likely had 45-50 beads on them…back then, did I?

Anyhow, WildFire does come in colors besides white and black, now, and FireLine does as well. I may have been out of the circuit a while, but I’m finding photos of jewel-tone FireLine from one online outlet? Hmm. Kind of scared to research that…

So there is that thread component to the one “Mardi Gras”-looking necklace, that I have to take care of.

Then there is the Pacific-looking pearl necklace. I ended up getting a through-drilled pearl for the center of this (not a big deal to replace it, as it wasn’t Baroque)…mounting a half-drilled pearl wasn’t as easy as I expected it to be. Particularly, if you’ve got a 1 mm hole and you’re trying to fit a threaded up-eye (a ring with a screw on it) into the hole…that thread may just lever off the top layers of your pearl, as versus drilling downward.

I know. It’s sad. I do have a bead cap I can cover it with, but only in silver. As for silver wire — who sells 1mm-wide wire? Ah: that’s 18-gauge, from a quick lookup. Regardless, I don’t have wire that thick in either silver or silvertone, and the bead caps (the little “hats” that can cover the damage, in this instance) are silvertone.

Well. That was me messing up from inexperience, right there.

There’s also a bronze-and-green necklace which I should just finish, regardless of the fact that I won’t be able to sell it because it’s a prototype. It also has a damaged pendant — a through-drilled stone donut which fractured when the unnecessary drill holes were being put into place. Right now, it’s being held together by wire and cord. I posted about this project on a different blog, a very long time ago, but it has been stalled, likely for years. That’s majorly due to the fact that I was thinking my design wasn’t “creative” enough.

But I need to separate out what’s in that bin, and get things back to their proper places, so that I can move on — and see what I actually have.

Then there is the Citrine/Smoky Quartz necklace, or necklace/earring set, I’m not sure which at this point. I think that one’s in a box of its own.

On top of that, I have a woven bracelet which is now too short for me…about halfway done. I was planning to weave a button for the closure, but had concerns that people would see it on me and want one like it. That’s a problem, because the button is not my pattern. It just tops things off, really really well. I have the instructions (from a magazine) and the components…the rest of it is me (inspired by Julia Pretl’s ladder-stitch work in Beaded Collars). And I think I can do it better than last time (particularly at both ends), especially with more extensive choices for beads I can use. (I just…hate to cut apart all that FireLine!)

Really…what would happen if I didn’t use bugles? I need to spend some more time in design with that one, I’m thinking. Particularly since I don’t like the bugles bunching up. What they were doing was making wide, parallel lines across the wrist, and there’s more than one way to do that. (Three-drop peyote stitch? I could incorporate a pattern, then…)

Design is just one of those things which…well, no one really taught me how to do. I’ve just found out that it’s much quicker to go through multiple design iterations in pencil, and then make the work, than it is to try and build something from an idea, without having fleshed it out first.

Aside from that…I think the only other in-progress project is something I was attempting to make out of various pinks and violets. It would be woven and bead-embroidered, meaning I’m hoping to capture a cabochon in a seed-bead bezel, which I’ve only done once before (and that was a Swarovski Rivoli).

Yeah, that one: save that for last?

That’s enough, I think. Seriously. Gah.

beading, Business, craft, money, self care, technology

Too much analysis!

Apparently, I need to give myself a break, sometimes…though it’s difficult when a person has become accustomed to having deadlines. Particularly…it would likely be actually good for me to get back to my beads and sewing. And/or, you know, writing non-academic things.

That kind of explains why I’m back here, today.

Over the weekend…was it the weekend? The days are blurring together now, but some time last week, I found out my hard drive was failing. (They only have a lifespan of 3-5 years, according to the Web.) Two days after that and we get the replacement; and then D and I have to install the thing and transfer everything over to the new drive…which is done. It just stressed me out for pretty much three days straight, and I still haven’t fully recovered where it comes to doing things with my brain.

That is, it’s difficult to get back to having to think about and analyze things, again, which is tough when I have classes to get back to and deadlines to meet. But the hard-drive thing had to be done…pretty much immediately, if I didn’t want to have to use other machines. I’ve done it before; I just don’t like to.

As a surprise, today I did get a shipment of beads which I had stopped waiting for (they came from the Czech Republic, which has not been shipping things out promptly for at least a couple of weeks because of COVID-19)…that was fun. :) My spreadsheet says I ordered these at the beginning of last month. According to the Web, it can take up to 21 days for things to get here from Czechia, and there was about a month’s delay on top of that, which…is understandable. It actually got here about a week earlier than I would have expected, if I had expected it. I had just figured it would be a nice surprise, if and when it did come.

I did get one set of beads which is pretty much unusable due to what appears to be corrosion of the Blue Iris coating; like they have been rolled in cement, almost. I’m not even going to try to save these with washing; it may be more hazardous than it’s worth (these beads cost me less than $4, total, and everything else was fine). D joked that I should send them back.

Iris colors in particular — I mean, they’re beautiful, but they’re one of the coatings that I’d have some concern about when it comes to toxicology, just from unverified information I’ve seen online. There is a reason why these things (at least, the cheaper ones) generally say that they aren’t for use by people under 14 years old…though I started using them at 11-12, at the oldest; we didn’t know any better.

I know it took me some time to graduate to the more expensive beads, but I am not sure when, entirely, the switchover from dyed glass fabric-/craft-store beads, to glass beads from bead stores, conventions, and online, took place. I am pretty sure that I can recall going to a bead store at 14 at the oldest, though: I remember the clerk at the snobby (it was, I’m not kidding) bead store, keeping a close eye on myself and M. I was in high school, then…I recall making a necklace with a pendant from there which ended up chipping one of my front teeth, in my 9th grade locker room.

They’ve since gone under. I think the multi-hole bead trend (“which beads do we stock???”), along with open favoritism in customer service, high rent, a sparsely populated web page, and customer realization that it’s hard to make a living off of beading, did it. (I hesitate to say, “intellectual property issues,” but that’s there, too: both in using widespread/basic patterns that many people could spontaneously come up with, and in having unique designs used without permission.)

Going online sounds so easy, until it comes to actually doing it. But there is an opening here for people who know Web Development, obviously. I don’t see the trend decreasing in the near future, and actually, this was a secret reason why I took Web Design in Grad School. Of course, there’s a lot more I’d need to learn if I wanted to become a Web Developer…and I think I mentioned somewhere else that I don’t think I’d be able to maintain my initial interest (to keep myself abreast of new technology) for the rest of my life. Not keeping on top of new technology and being a Web Developer at the same time, sounds…like a very bad combination.

Anyhow, getting the beads today, was nice. It reminded me that I have a legitimate opening to sell my work. During this time while I’m in classes and purposefully staying away from other people, there actually is a way I can earn income. It just isn’t my primary career path. It is, however, something I’m skilled in. I have pretty much everything I need, now; and what I don’t have, is easy to get. There is a constraint now, however, in that I’m operating from a hypothetically closed set of resources. Like I would be if I were actually operating a business, and not just trying to break even with my externally-funded hobby.

I mean, you know, there’s that added financial stress now…and I haven’t even begun working, yet. Before, it just would have been nice not to lose money; now, it’s don’t waste your time and investment! Of course, any income from this beyond breaking even, I could see as positive, so long as my living expenses are taken care of. If I were seriously doing this and living on my own…pricing would be a serious issue.

Of course, there is also the question of who will be buying jewelry at a time like this. But then we could also question, who is going out at a time like this, and obviously, the number is greater than I’d expect.

I actually have started a writing project, but I’m concerned that by working on it, I’m resigning myself to the fact that I’m going to die one day. Which of course, I will, unless I’m another Henrietta Lacks (which I’m not sure anyone would want to be). But the concern is about mortality (mine and everyone else’s) being an immediate issue. That kind of sets up…some difficulty, where it comes to recording my own thoughts. But I guess most people don’t like to think about that, so I’m probably not alone.

The other thing I had been doing for my sanity at home, was sewing. I can also get back to that, as it doesn’t require a lot of intellectual/analytical input, and it helps me feel helpful. Probably I also discouraged myself by trying to improve on my design, however. If my state makes it illegal to go outside without a mask (and it looks like we’re going in that direction, now)…I am going to have to make more.

Yeah, I just should. Building up the mask stash should be #1 priority, with #2 being jeweling, and #3 being authorship. Where it comes to work, aside of my classes and my Portfolio.

career, LIS, psychology, self care, writing

Learning to die

No, I haven’t yet read Learning to Die in the Anthropocene by Roy Scranton (2015). I don’t know how much it applies here, but…it may apply.

Just to let you know, I’m really pushing myself to get back on here and write. I have been keeping an offline journal, for myself…it’s just a bit harder to scan than this blog, though. As regards re-learning a cursive hand, I’ve decided to stop trying to force myself, as it isn’t as legible as my printing. It pretty much looks worse, too…which kind of evades the point.

Things are still kind of tense with me. Since my last class ended, I’ve had nothing that I’ve really been forced to do. I have two more classes which are about to start up, which at least will give me weekly projects to complete…on top of going back over my Portfolio, which it’s obvious (to me) I don’t want to do, but may be key in gaining future employment. Especially if I’m going for a technical position.

Right now I’m at a juncture between Web Development and Metadata or Cataloging Librarianship…the latter two being focused on the organization of information, the former meaning ability to communicate with a computer so it does what I want it to do (which is display information in a readable [and just maybe, hopefully, pleasant] manner*).

*”That’s for the UX people to figure out!” you say.

I should get back to the book, Careers in Writing, by Blythe Camenson. Because…right now, I’m actually thinking about writing for money. I think I’m in too deep with the content angle of Librarianship (after all, I have an Art and an English degree) to switch over totally to being a Web Developer.

Web Development as a career has the possibility of taking over the rest of my life. While it would be good money (if I were competent, which is not guaranteed, with an Art and an English degree), there are things I want to do besides help other people publish online. I might not have enough time for myself if I go for Web Development; it requires constantly staying on top of new technology. I’m pretty sure I’d get fried.

Right now, I’m angled toward Cataloging…and I’ll see where I stand, in a bit. I’m set up to take a class on Statistics, which will help as a foundation for text- or data-mining. Text- and data-mining help in determining the “aboutness” of a digital, text-based document. I’m also in a Subject Classification course, which will help me efficiently determine the subjects of texts in a more cognitive way.

That’s…barring any calamity which may happen between now and August. I took my in-person Spanish test about a week and a half ago (and didn’t pass: not even close; they must have been desperate; it’s like, “just tell me if I need to be at the level where I use this every day, so I can tell whether or not to even entertain this”), and so…I have until Thursday to have to still be on alert to anyone (including myself) becoming sick. (It’s now Monday morning, here.) M had mentioned an irritated throat on Sunday night, which…is not great, but there’s nothing I can really do about it; and the best she can do is rest.

What is scary is that COVID-19 can apparently infect and kill, very quickly (there was one victim in the news who was infected and died within 3 days — which I consider to be on the level of Ebola). At the time I was asked to take the Spanish test, I was unaware that there was a concurrent spike in new viral transmissions in our county. That fact wasn’t available until the hospitals started to fill up.

I am very concerned about hospitals having to make decisions about who gets treatment and who doesn’t, based upon pre-existing conditions…which could easily stray into eugenics, if it is not already eugenics. Especially, now. I doubt that they’re separating out the cases who got the disease by being personally and voluntarily irresponsible from people who were staying at home and doing their best.

Anyhow.

The thing to do, in this case, is likely to prepare myself to be independent as quickly as possible. That means…I should be driven to help cook, at the least. At the moment, I still don’t have the facility to drive, which matters in my area. Those are the two major life functions that I haven’t had to engage. Well, and there’s a third: paying bills. And doing taxes.

If everything turns out fine, that’s great: but if it doesn’t, I might be a little better prepared than otherwise. Maybe it would help me relax a bit (as versus panic)?

The problem I’m facing is a lack of information…and that information (whether or not we are all still safe) will only be revealed with time. And past that point in time, it’s uncertain again. (In actuality, the situation may be constantly uncertain.) My major blessing in this case, should it come, would only be that it would not be my direct fault that my mother became ill — this time.

But yeah…I wasn’t really briefed on the situation before we went out, either; and I have a feeling my parents were both shielding me from the information because they know that I have issues with germ phobia in the first place. I don’t really want to tell them that I didn’t even want to take the test. But we know the level at which I have to function now, in a bilingual environment…and I’m not at it.

I’m honestly not even sure now that I’d be at the level of functioning I’d need to be, as a Spanish-language Cataloger. Which is good to know. (Seriously, I look at some of the subject headings we use in English, and I don’t know what they all mean.) If I want an Academic Library job, though, proficiency in Spanish is likely the easiest route to solidify that “second language” requirement.

And no, I don’t know if it’s good or bad that when I read in Spanish, I immediately start to translate into English. It’s a very different dynamic than with Japanese language.

If we can make it through this…if I can look back on this from the future and see a learning opportunity and not a harbinger, my parents have told me that I don’t have to worry about getting another job immediately. It’s safer to hang back until we either have a treatment or a vaccine.

The thing is, right now, I don’t know how long any of us will be able to survive (especially given the fact that this virus likes to mutate). But I don’t predict the future well, which has always been a blessing — given that I tend to neuroses. I stopped writing fiction because I knew I tended to get carried off with my own stories, have I told you all that?

It might actually be time for me to write down my own, “wisdom,” so much as it may be. Just codify it. Whatever form it takes, just get it out. Then decide what to do with it, later. Decide if it’s true, later. Or leave it to others…like my sister, who told me that I have my own story and it deserves to be told…

beading, creativity, psychology, self care

I’ve gotta say… (Trigger warning: mention of suicide as an extreme of cultural erasure)

…that going through a job search without limiting myself to either libraries or self-employment, is infinitely more hopeful. I’m not, you know, hemmed in by the limits of my own imagination, there. I’m actually dealing with reality (even if the reality is someone illegitimately looking for personal information).

Last night, I started disassembling strands of beads and loading them into labeled vials. I’ve been looking around online for quality sellers, and I’ve found at least one new one. (I also found a seller who I am going to be careful about ordering from, again — though they did give me two strands of beads which are gorgeous, after washing. The thing is: they required washing.) I’m also collecting information on shops I knew from a while back, and compiling them into a spreadsheet. Not all of them are still great (if they ever were any better, more than having name recognition).

This is after I realized that I just didn’t have the tenacity to get through itemizing another receipt…gah. But there is one left from the middle of May (of this year), that I really should work on. I didn’t, because for one thing, there are about 30 different items on the list. That store in particular, though? I’ve seen a price spike there, recently, and I’m not sure if it’s because of limited stock from the global shutdown. Less stock, more demand, same rent, higher prices. Basic microeconomics…

I do think that I still am dealing with a fear of being creative, though it’s not as strong as it historically has been. That’s why it was easier to store and categorize things, yesterday, than it was to actually build anything. And, yeah, I guess it was easier to play with MS Excel (and look for jobs?) than it was to build anything. Planning on running a jewelry microbusiness really isn’t going to go anywhere if I don’t actually, you know, make things.

And then there’s the question of the value of making things if I have to let those things go in order to create more things of value. In that way, value is produced…but unless I charge enough, I don’t get to see much of it. This is what has happened with my making face coverings. I began doing it for myself and my parents, then basically needed to give some to my sibling and sell some to people who can’t sew. So I have maybe 12-14 for myself and my parents, now (it takes at least one hour to go from start to finish), even though I’ve likely put at least 24 hours into making them, in total. Likely more, if I count fabric choice and acquisition and preparation and design.

And I actually, probably should make more. It’s comforting to have something ready when I need to go out.

The entire creativity/fear thing…it’s pretty…well, I’d say it’s pretty commonplace, given that there’s actually a book called Art and Fear (by David Bayles and Ted Orland, which I’ve read), but…you know. Fear of the unknown, and all that. (Fear of generation? Fear of response?) I’m not sure if the unknown is better than the stories my mind has made up to fill the yawning gap in my knowledge, at this point.

I don’t even want to get into the stories. They sound like either fiction or craziness. And they can get me targeted by other people whose own crazy latches on. But the stories are very creative. As for whether or not I publicly engage with those narratives: does that equate to whether or not I engage with my creativity? I know it makes it, “feel more real,” when it’s not just myself who knows it…

But if the problem with disclosure is the fact that if I’m not believed, I come off as crazy; and if I am believed, I come off as possibly harmful (depending on one’s ideology); that makes disclosure pretty much, a “no,” proposition. If it’s reality: lack of disclosure of reality doesn’t make it any less real. My open acknowledgment of reality doesn’t make that reality come into being. Not talking about it just makes it less tangible, and produces fewer outward reminders.

It also keeps things, “living,” instead of, “dead,” if I’m thinking back to my books on Daoism. Red Pine may have said something about that (I have a copy of his translation of the Taoteching).

The question is, now, whether to live my life as though this core belief (the reasoning behind my pushing myself to be creative) is true, or whether to question it and lose my mooring. Do I have a calling, that is, and am I ambivalent about having it? Or just afraid to exert it? (The latter is true: there is power here; I believe I question whether I am right [or have a right] to exercise it.)

I’ve had some time between beginning this post after midnight this morning, and now — it’s nearly midnight again — to actually write some things in my private journal about this topic. I’ve realized that I’ve grown out of rehashing the narrative I was speaking of, above. It’s not new anymore. What to do about now, is what I have to deal with.


How, that is, can I lower my barrier to producing? How do I get out of idea generation and back into making — into construction? And how do I keep capitalism from sucking the life out of myself and my work? What do I do if I find out that one of my suppliers is doing something that violates my ethics?

Maybe I should just make the stuff I want to make, first. Without regard to whether they’ll be taken from me — just make them. If I were to do that, I could be motivated on the mask aspect again. I’d also have to set a firm boundary on what I will and won’t sell — if the goal is to be productive.

Pearl necklace in green and violet.
From February 2019. The pearls are mostly from The Bead Gallery in Honolulu, HI.

For the pearls…I know I don’t need them. (Who needs pearls?) I also know that I can make some gorgeous jewelry. Maybe if I spent less time in research (reading, YouTube), and more time figuring things out on my own, I will be able to more easily turn out what has been on the back burner for weeks, if not months (or years). I should also list my projects in-progress (kind of like what’s on Ravelry), so that I can keep track of what my beads and cords are doing, and how long they’ve been sitting there.

A set of pearl trident drop earrings in gold and mauve.

Right now I can think of at least five major undone/in-progress projects, plus one which I need to re-knot and lengthen, and two samples which I may cut apart to gather more beads (they were made as I figured out technique). Then there are projects I’ve envisioned and simply haven’t done (like more pearl earrings of a type which…I’m not sure I’ve yet shared on this blog; you can see them to the left), and a successful trial which is waiting for…something, to be made into earrings (below).

An in-process photo of an earring in purple, blue and orange. It looks like a banner, with glass beads making an eye-spot below it.
This one’s waiting for something. May 2020.

And maybe I should just terminate some projects, like things I began simply to learn how to do them, which have become dull and rote (and ugly), at this point. (I try not to make technique samples out of what I’d actually use in a piece of jewelry, because of the fairly common fear of running out of needed supplies. Unfortunately, that means I get samples which look like flags, and discourage further interest.)

There’s also the fact that I believe I turned to art and writing when speech was not enough, or when I felt I couldn’t speak. On that front, it’s even more vital that I don’t take down these avenues of expression, as well. Especially as, to reference the above, there is power in expression. I have known people who didn’t want the world to know they existed. (Problematically for me, I can understand that.) I don’t want to end up in that place: because I know there are people in this world who don’t want me to exist; but as a second-best choice, they don’t want anyone to know that I exist. And I don’t want to make their job easier for them, because the ultimate in silencing is suicide.

There are people who would like that. Not everyone is a good person.

I don’t want to let the world push me to that.

There is something about pearls and glass…the way they’re made. I’m going to try to avoid waxing poetic about this, here, but maybe there’s a reason (beyond the fact that they look nice, and at least can be affordable) that I’m using pearls and glass in my work. I think that my reasoning would be obvious.

But then, maybe it’s like I recognize that most flowers contain both sexes, meaning the plants themselves contain both sexes…and no one claims them to be ugly or unnatural for it. But flowers are generally seen to relate to women, moreso than men. Why?

Fire-polished beads with seed beads and fiber, knotted together in a bracelet. The color scheme ranges from iris green to red-violet.

And it’s essentially midnight, again. Hello, June 14th. There are things I want to do and things I have to do. Tomorrow…I have homework. At least, there’s some structure there.

I might want to set up work hours for myself — for my own beading and sewing projects — in addition to the job search, and my study.

I received two precious little pearls from Hawaii, today. Made my day. :)

career, LIS, money, personal, self care, work

Not that I wasn’t expecting it,

but still, being notified that you’re likely about to be laid off, is kind of a shock. I got the news a couple of days ago. Right now, I’m still in the process of rebuilding my ePortfolio (when I can remember it exists), working on my class, and trying to keep my head above water. Which…is harder, when you have to take time out of self-care, to study.

I do wish they could have warned me before I started the Professional Development class which is of most use in Public Service (which I’ve been trying to get out of)…but the letter was dated June 2. They’re very good at withholding information.

I probably shouldn’t get into that.

I still haven’t told my Vocational counselor, though that would likely be a next best step. That, and working on this class and my DBT Anger Management workbook.

The week hasn’t been all bad. I had a meeting which turned out to be very positive and thought-provoking, even though I was having a hard time being present for some of it. I also have some other classes which I’m considering taking through the Winter.

The thing is that I’m really a bit torn between taking courses which are based around the Resource Description Framework (which is very much for a Metadata/Technical position and would likely keep me away from the public entirely, but may require a Computer Science background), Cataloging, Collection Development (the latter of which, has to be a lot of reading and statistics), and, basically, Marketing positions (which have to do with Web publicity).

M says I am trying to do too much, and to take things one step — and one class — at a time. I’m thinking about going ahead and reading Essential Classification to see if straight-up Cataloging is something I want to do. It might also be a good primer for July (when Subject Analysis and Collection Analysis are given). The RDF class series starts in August (with an introductory XML class), and I’m not sure I’m going to go through with all of it. It was recommended to me by a colleague, but one who doesn’t know me very well at all…

So…yes, I’m basically planning on doing some other things for income, fairly soon. If I can not be too bitter about being in this class.

The hard part of this is knowing that getting a new job can be a 40-hour/week position in itself, and so how much do I devote to caring for myself, to making jewelry and masks aside from that, to continuing education, and to job search (and self-assessment)?

Maybe by the end of August (when I can take Collection Development and XML in tandem), I’ll be able to tell whether Metadata or Cataloging work is best, for me…if I look at job openings for the skills I have, with an LIS and Humanities (not Computer Science) background.

So:

June

  • Complete class on Mental Health and Libraries
  • Read Essential Classification
  • Work on ePortfolio
  • Work in Anger Management book
  • Update LinkedIn

July

  • Take Subject Analysis
  • Take Collection Analysis

August

  • Take Intro to XML
  • Take Intro to Collection Development

I think that’s as far out as I should plan, right now.

Wow, that was actually…productive…

beading, craft, fiber arts, macrame, seed beads, self care

Recovery

Today has been a good day in light of the fact that I felt terrible, last night, and apparently got terrible sleep. I’ve been dealing with mood issues; last night it was irritability and anger. I recognized my thoughts being warped. I hijacked the train of thought with ice cream, which stopped the rumination (brain freeze may do that), and went back to bed, then woke around 5:30 AM. I stayed up several hours, then went back to sleep, to wake in the early afternoon…or, approximately around the time the mail came.

Unexpectedly, I got a delivery of beads…which was nice! It’s amazing how happy little colored bits of glass can make me. :) So I spent some time going through that order and putting things away…I realize that I probably need to make some kind of official system so that I know (or can predict) where things are. I bought a bunch of beading needles specifically because I had stashed away all of my unused fine needles in a single place I couldn’t recall (!).

Of course, I found them later. :) After the order had gone in. Right now, the new ones are stashed with them (in a now labeled compartment on top of my toolbox) in an empty medicine bottle. It’s a good way to keep them from being damaged. This time, I got a bunch of twisted wire needles (they’re great for what I’m doing, where the size of the thread may prohibit using a standard needle), and some size #11 and #12 solid beading needles. To note: apparently, the grading of solid-metal (standard?) beading needles and twisted-wire beading needles is not the same. Below, I’m just talking about the solid ones.

Typically, for what I’ve historically done: size #10 is the biggest I would want to go to when doing something like beadweaving, where you’re dealing with multiple thread passes through the same hole, and you’re dealing with size 11° seed beads or larger. (Remember, bead sizes have higher numbers, the smaller they are; so an 8° is larger than an 11° but smaller than a 6°.)

Needle size #11 is a bit more versatile, being slightly thinner, and size #12 is for fine applications. Higher than that — up to size #13 or #15, and the needles’ eyes get very small (meaning they need finer thread: 4-lb. FireLine comes to mind, but I haven’t tried it with a #13 in a very long time [if at all]), and the needles themselves can be a bit more fragile (though the last time I had a needle break on me was years ago [they get brittle when repeatedly drawn through tight openings: the phenomenon is known by the term, “work-hardening,” and happens in metalwork as well] — usually it’s the bead breaking, instead).

I’ve only rarely had to use a #13 or #15. Maybe never, a #15. :) I know of applications where I might need a #15, but I haven’t had to face that yet, thankfully! Of course, I do know that for other beaders, more delicate may be their style…I wouldn’t work all in tiny beads for no reason, though. That’s because tiny, tiny seed beads (smaller than size 15° — I have some, but haven’t used them [I’m thinking they may be great for lace]) can be hard to see, and my vision isn’t fantastic at the outset. I’ve started to actually need my glasses, just to avoid eye strain on the daily.

Of course, twisted wire needles are a different animal; these are just lengths of fine wire — usually brass or steel — that have been folded in half and twisted together. The benefit of these is that they’re flexible, their eyes are huge compared to standard beading needles (they compress when drawn through a bead), and, being blunt, they make it nearly impossible to harm oneself. As I mentioned above, though: their size grading is distinct from that of standard beading needles. I don’t know much about their sizing system currently, which is why I’m holding back, here.

If I were teaching — I’m not, but if I were — I would teach with twisted wire needles, or with self-needles (stiffened thread ends; the stiffener can be nail polish, Fray Check, probably even a glue that dries clean and hard. Just make sure it’s dry before you snip the end off the thread). When working with sharp needles and pins…drawing blood is an inevitability. Eliminating sharp objects is one of the best ways not to get stuck, or not to have to deal with blood…which can get dangerous in a group situation. I try to assume biohazard from the start.

Anyhow…I have nice needles, now. :)

I’m also feeling a bit better about work, which tells me that my freaking out about it is probably related to mental health issues (germ phobia, paranoia, feeling unsafe in public), much more than anything objectively existent. It’s nice to be aware about these things. I know that people often don’t like to talk about this stuff, but it makes me feel better to know that there is a reason (or are reasons) why my thinking can become distorted, as versus no explanation. I think mass panic would try even a healthy person, and it’s been made fairly clear to me that my having to deal with one or more mental disorders, is not my fault. So I’m feeling safer, today. Well: tonight. :)

My family and I have done a lot of work around this.

Hmm. So…I’m pretty sure that it was right after I put everything away, that I started practicing micro-macramé again. I know that I need to practice with this stuff if I want to know what I can do with it. I also need to practice, in order to discern what it is I’ll actually use. And if I don’t want to practice with it, it isn’t worth buying more of it.

So…today, I was working on a sample with C-Lon Fine. I actually put some beads onto the cord and practiced knotting below those, too…which came out surprisingly well. I’m getting more skill with the cords, and with my tension. I’ve noticed that I don’t have to pull everything absolutely tight for the knots to hold, and that sometimes it’s better that I don’t.

I also started a sample using Standard C-Lon, with the same pattern and same number of starting cords as the Fine sample, trying to see the difference in scale…I only got so far, though, before my hands started to hurt too much to do more. (In turn, I worked with this today because I knew I’d lose my callouses if I avoided knotting for much longer.)

I’m doing this in part to see the difference between Fine and Standard gauge…the thicker the cords get, the more colors they come in. The thing is…the Fine can really easily accommodate size 11° seed beads…which I love. They’re what I started out with, and what I have the largest collection of. They’re also really tiny and delicate. Way tiny, to an adult sensibility! I can also fit two strands of the Fine through a 4mm Fire-Polished bead…if the one I used, is a 4mm, and not a 3mm. I’d have to get my calipers out, to be sure…the one I used for the sample was purchased years ago, possibly decades ago.

I just didn’t want to use anything that I’d use in a real piece of jewelry…those things can become precious because of scarcity. This is also why I’m using some pretty questionable color combinations in my knotting: there are some colors that are so high-risk that it’s hard to think about what they would actually look like, in jewelry! Though…I do think some people love high-risk color combinations. :)

The Standard sample…I haven’t tried yet, with beads. But I don’t think the Standard cords will accommodate beads smaller than 11°, though I know for a fact that they accommodate 8°s and 6°s, very, very well. What I didn’t expect: I think the Standard sample is taking up cord much faster than the Fine sample, did…

Business, career, jewelry, libraries, psychology, self care, work

Relax, kid. You have options.

I remember now, something I learned in Library School: you don’t have to do the most difficult thing possible for you to do, just because it’s difficult. Challenging myself constantly may not be the easiest route forward, in life. Yes, I’m talking about COVID-19 and myself working in a public service position based on gathering and sharing, with chronic OCD and a germ phobia. All that has to happen is for someone to cough on me. That’s all that has to happen.

If I were living alone, this may not be such a big issue: but I’m living with two parents over the age of 65, which puts them at high risk. Given that I still need them to support me (I still can’t drive)…that’s not great. Also given that my sibling is an ocean away and that my nearby family is not known for their mental stability (it’s hereditary, except I’m taking care of my dysfunction instead of denying it)…also, not great.

Right now…I’m at a relatively unique place: a juncture at which I’ve never before been. I’ve got job experience, extensive training, schooling. My debt is taken care of, due to family. I’m still with a program designed to help people like myself (I am legally disabled — though I didn’t realize my OCD alone would grant me protections). I question now, however, how much that program has been or will be able to help me further (aside from assistance with learning to drive…or obtaining a job which is not public service).

I know for a fact that they weren’t aware of the reality of working within a Public Library system when they recommended I try it, for example. I had run-ins with two creeps early on (one of whom was a known stalker), which I was entirely unprepared for. But that’s normal, for a Public frikkin’ Library.

Essentially…I have a lot of freedom, right now. God knows how long that will last, but right now I have the ability to pretty much do what I want. Over the last few weeks of the quarantine, I’ve started to get back to what comforts me: making things. It takes my mind off of the stress. I really don’t know everything about how it works; I just know it does. Today I received an order of cords in the mail…kind of makes me want to cry, but not in a bad way. It’s nice to have the money for these things.

I still need to re-register for a seller’s permit (which will enable me to pay tax at point of sale of finished items instead of at point of purchase of materials)…but I can see an extended market for face coverings right now, as well as for jewelry (although I am very aware that jewelry is not a life necessity: it’s a luxury, and people may not have much money for luxuries in the near future). The key thing here…is that if I get (or maintain) a relatively stable part-time job in order to finance the making, I could bloom that income.

Right now, I know what I have saved, and I know a bit about what I could earn. The question is whether I could emotionally tolerate the work: I’d rather work with objects or data, not people…but the position I’m in now is almost entirely composed of working with people. Then there is the fact that working with data most likely means working with numbers (at least if I’m dealing with Big Data)…not my favorite thing to do. That leaves, objects…from which, I’m learning a surprising amount. (Not least, I’m recalling my Geometry — which was one of my favorite topics when it came to Math.)

As well…the surge in physical productivity I experienced recently…that only happened once I tried to commit myself to language as an art form. Then I realized that I didn’t want to do it. There are reasons for this…prime among them is the fact that language in many ways could be said to attempt (and repeatedly fail) to encase reality. I know about this personally.

It’s much easier to exist outside of the confines of language, for me. Working with other languages highlights the biases of English…however, both Spanish and Japanese (the two non-English languages I’ve been most closely acquainted with) have their own strong biases (gender in the first case, hierarchy in the second), and I’d expect the trend of cultural quirks to continue across the myriad of world languages I don’t know about.

Working with images…or literally with fabric or glass, it isn’t the same thing. Color reaches people on a much more basic level than words do. As for why or how, I’m still not certain — or perhaps the part of my mind that can think and type in words, can’t comprehend what the rest of it, knows. (I wouldn’t be surprised.) But there’s way more to me, than just language; and I’m wishing to explore that, at this point.

This reminds me of a game I heard of recently…I’m not sure whether or not it’s Gris, but there are no words spoken in the game…which has really fantastic implications for the way it is received globally and cross-culturally. This is the same reason I was initially into MARC (MAchine Readable Cataloging) encoding — everyone had to learn it, it wasn’t language-specific; but right now, as I’ve heard, it’s one of the oldest legacy technologies and is set to be replaced by Linked Data…

Gah, now I’m getting technical and not knowing how to describe this. But Linked Data also works across different languages and vocabularies.

That does give me more of a sense of peace, than not. On that point, I wonder if I should be a member of IFLA (the International Federation of Library Associations and Institutions). Even if I only had the opportunity to work in New Zealand or Australia or Singapore, those could be good options.

I think that with the Library work…I’m going to aim to become a Cataloger. It will keep me working with items (as versus people), and maybe it will be easier for me. If I can’t find a job within a Library system itself, I can work for a company that provides pre-cataloged items to libraries. If not that, hey — it isn’t like item description, organization, and retrieval is any less of a problem, anywhere else.

And I do have some coding skills…

Maybe I should invest in that. I could help with website development for bead shops desiring a Web presence, for example…

personal, psychology, self care

Shelter-in-Place Day 63: hair-trigger

I’ve really broken my pattern, recently. In some ways this is good: I’ve gotten back to redeveloping a site that — well — needs it, after having been apathetic about it for months. But as for working creatively — for the past two or so days, I’ve just been recovering from staying up all night between May 14 and 15 (see my last entry).

I wouldn’t be surprised if what was going on there was mania (or at least hypomania). Some other family members and I have been experiencing a parade of psychiatric symptoms since the onset of lockdown. The good thing is, we’re aware it’s happening. So…the sudden decrease in motivation (relative to a burst in both creativity and motivation which could both have been manic symptoms, and not normalcy) may be something I just have to ride out.

A different thing? I’m considering cutting off my hair (again). I know it’s pretty, but I haven’t been taking care of it. Right now I’m trying to balance keeping my scalp clean and healthy, and keeping my hair looking nice…and it’s tiring. Neither one of the goals are being achieved.

I haven’t been using dandruff shampoo because, 1) it has sulfates in it (sulfates make my hair hard and dry, and have to be dissolved with a vinegar rinse — which obviously, stinks); 2) a potential side effect of its use (which I’ve learned to expect, over years of medications) is “temporary hair loss”. WHAT. I spend years growing out my hair and now the dandruff treatment may cause it to fall out? Oh, but it’s only temporary. It’s not like it will never grow back. It’s not like bald spots are worse than the dandruff, right?

The dandruff itself might just be symptomatic of not washing my hair enough, or of not enough oxygen reaching my scalp. I’ve had the same thing (nearly the same exact thing) going on with my face when I haven’t been taking care of myself and washing and exfoliating enough. (Lockdown grossness, but it’s true.)

Not to mention that I don’t even want to comb my hair these days, because that means I’ll have to wash it again to regain my curl pattern…and it takes an absurdly long amount of time to wash this hair, even when I leave in oil, and forgo conditioning. To get my hair all the way clean, I basically have to strip it of all the oil, and that leads to hardness, fragility and breakage. Then breakage leads to snarls and tangles, which lead to more breakage. Because my hair is thick and curly, it’s then also very difficult to successfully redistribute natural oil throughout (I can’t, for example, use a brush: it doesn’t penetrate). It’s why I almost always comb my hair in the shower now, instead of doing it dry.

If I cut my hair short, it would be shiny and well-conditioned (while using less product), and I could take care of my scalp and take short daily showers (instead of long showers after periods of inadequate hygiene — which are encouraged by the fact that no shower cap will fit over my hair, even if I twist it down [and twisting it down tends to rip it out]). The biggest drawback to this, besides my head being colder (likely necessitating hats for some time), and middle-aged and old men messing with me (like I should care what they think, it’s not like they have a chance anyway), is that I’ll likely need to take showers in the morning, in order to reset the orientation of my follicles after having slept on my hair. (Of course, with everything going on, I’m probably also going to need to take showers when I get home, as well.)

Then there’s the amount of time it takes to regrow this stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if my hair moves from side to side more than it grows downward. Luckily…my curl pattern has finally matured, so maybe I could actually see some texture in it this time (as versus when I was a teen and cut my hair close, and most of what it did was stand on end). The fall-back position is just slicking it back, Mystique-style, which isn’t that far from always pulling it back in a ponytail or bun.

I also have some nice styling oils and co-wash products which I didn’t have access to, as a kid; and a diffuser to dry my hair, before I go in to work. In addition…I don’t have to trim it ultra-short. I’ve found out what it does at a long length…it’s possible that I could cut it to maybe two to three inches (as versus half an inch), and keep some curl and play in it, especially if I dry it with the diffuser.

As long as the curls are stuck together (as when I comb my hair in the shower or style with my fingers), I don’t have a huge problem with volume. It’s as soon as I comb it, that things happen. The curls separate, and then I’ve got an Afro on my hands. Of course…that’s what I dealt with for most of my childhood, just pulled back. I had a terrible time with trying to keep that stuff orderly, and probably failed, most of the time. It wasn’t until I cut my hair off that I realized I could style it without controlling it. (It wasn’t until I cut my hair off, for that matter, that I realized I actually grew hair from my temples: it was formerly all ripped out.)

The other drawback of cutting my hair short is that it draws attention to the fact that my throat is fuller than I would like. This wasn’t an issue for me the first time I cut my hair off — I was a rail — but this is twenty years later, after medication-induced weight gain. Of course, if I cut my hair short, I could shower more often, which means I could exercise with fewer drawbacks.

M says that I wouldn’t be happy with short hair. I don’t know why, but she says to think on it. Of course, she was also the person who said I wouldn’t like cutting my hair short for years when I wanted to cut it, as a teen (and now can’t remember that she told me I couldn’t cut it until I was 16, then 18; when I turned 18, then she wanted to stop me again). I think she’s more attached to my hair than I am, and I don’t know why. Have never known, why. But I know that in this family, I’m known for my hair. It’s one of the biggest reasons I’ve been hesitant to even consider testosterone: male-pattern baldness. Indicating a loss of identity.

In the meantime…I’ve got to do something about my scalp hygiene and the dryness of my strands. I’m thinking of going back to using a co-wash for a while, and seeing how that turns out. If I did it frequently, it’s possible I could keep my hair clean (and combed, and orderly), while at the same time not-dry…and not taking up most of an hour’s worth of running water (this still really angers me). Of course, though, this also necessitates drying at least my roots after getting out of the shower (it takes a while, but if I don’t do it, I risk getting sick and/or having mildew and mold growth in my hair).

Yeah, this is my decision, isn’t it.

Maybe I should wait and go to an actual salon to get my hair cut, instead of relying on M to do it…

beadwork, color, craft, creativity, macrame, self care

Beads and cords: returning

I guess that leaving my beads in my line of sight, finally paid off. They’ve been there for months; for some reason, I was intimidated to go back to them…which may possibly have been the “too many choices” dilemma.

I may be misremembering the paper, but in Library School, I read something about how people were less satisfied with a choice overall, if they were given a chance to second-guess it (in a study). I really can’t remember even which class I read that in, and I don’t have access to school databases anymore; so I can’t give you a citation.

Although it’s a different situation, I’ve realized that this happens when I invest in too many different colors (in beads, fabrics, threads, cords), which drastically magnify my creative options. For some reason, it’s easier when there is some scarcity that pushes me to make creative decisions I normally wouldn’t make…or when I’m using something just because it’s plentiful, and I don’t mind losing it to a swatch. I’m pushed to find (or just do find) unusual color combinations, that way.

I know that I have a tendency towards analogous color schemes, in sewing and in beadwork, because they feel “safer” than branching out and experimenting. I guess it’s like when I was a kid and I preferred to use majority black or grey color schemes. (I did grow out of it.) What I did today was mix up the color placements in a sample bracelet strap, to break up relatively monochromatic schemes. The good news was, I liked it better…and I suppose every time that happens, there’s a little victory, and encouragement to try it again next time.

Right now, I have my seed beads separated out by size and color in transparent vials. It’s possible to pick a set of them out and switch them around so that I can see colors and finishes next to each other, but even that doesn’t really compare to placing them together in swatches. The way masses of these beads look next to each other, isn’t the same as the effect when you’re using one or two at a time (next to other colors, which impact how we see them, says my Color Dynamics training)…and especially not when you’re dealing with more than two colors, in which the color of the thread or cord (or hardware/findings) you’re using also impacts the design.

I’m not even getting into color ratios and placement, bead linings or surface finishes…but those also affect design dynamics. Maybe eventually I’ll make a series of Pages about stuff like this…

Today I found both of my macramé boards, having put them away, likely, months ago; so that they wouldn’t gather dust. (They’re basically some kind of foam, so they aren’t the easiest things to clean.) One of them was hidden under some pads of paper I never use, on top of my art archives. I knew the approximate area it should have been in; I’m just glad I was tenacious enough to continue to dig when I couldn’t immediately find it.

Speaking of lost things: as for where the giant cutting mat went (which could be useful)…we still don’t know. I mean, no one knows. The most I can think of right now is that maybe it’s in storage with my portfolios, in the garage, or in a closet somewhere — possibly in the room no one uses, except to store things.

Anyhow: I mentioned C-Lon TEX in my last post. I should have said, C-Lon TEX 400. A lot of things are called TEX, apparently! This is a cord which is just under 1mm wide. I only have one spool of it, in a color I wouldn’t normally use (brown). I don’t even remember why I got it, except that it may have been a mistake.

Today I was just experimenting with the TEX 400, making a basic square-knot sinnet (two cords knotted over two cords), and an alternating-square-knot sinnet (two cords knotted over one cord on the left, then the same on the right, etc). I haven’t yet gotten to the point of being comfortable with solid panels of macramé (using vertical and horizontal double half-hitches). I think I may be describing Cavandoli knotting, but the technique exists even in fairly basic micromacramé jewelry patterns (which I don’t yet know how to do). It will be exciting to develop my skills in that area. I would recommend the instructional books and materials by Joan R. Babcock, if you’re interested.

In any case…this C-Lon is about the width of the hemp I started out with when I first began knotting. It is, however, much stronger and cleaner, being a type of industrial upholstery thread. I’m attracted to the “strength” part of that, because I’ve repeatedly had issues with breaking cords due to pulling on them too hard. This has happened with waxed cotton, hemp, leather… I think this is related to the quality of the cord; the ones I’ve gotten from chain craft stores are the most likely to do this.

In contrast, I have some Fluturi hemp “yarn” I purchased from a local yarn store…which is a comparable width. As compared with basic craft store hemp twine, the staple is longer, it frays less, is softer, and it’s a bit stronger. The Fluturi is being discontinued, and replaced with linen. Yes, it’s probably notable that I had to go and find my stash to see whether the Fluturi was actually hemp or linen, in the first place…

In any case, the C-Lon 400 has no issues with stray threads, or breakage. On top of that, it has enough body to hold its shape well, and it’s glossy. There is a comparable product on the market known as S-Lon; in my limited experience, however…the S-Lon (I have one spool, I liked the color) has frayed a bit more, right off of the spool. Also, word is that one of these is an off-brand of the other (though I am not sure enough about it to claim a position, myself).

Up until recently, I have only used Standard C-Lon (TEX 210) and C-Lon Micro (TEX 70); in comparison, TEX 400 is very hefty. I’ve found that I can fit 4mm Fire-Polished glass beads onto it, but not 3mm — at least, not easily. Also, not all size 8° seed beads will fit, but I’m not sure if that is because I have some unlabeled Czech size 8°s in my vials (which tend to have smaller holes).

I haven’t tried making a self-needle with the strands yet (stiffening the cord with Fray Check or nail polish, waiting until this cures, then cutting the tip off at an angle and using that to help thread beads onto the cord). Actually, I was looking for the Fray Check today, and I also don’t recall where I put it (though I’d check with the sewing materials, next).

Well, at least I know where I put my thread burner…hopefully. I think I know where I put my thread burner, is more accurate. ;)

Just, doing little things with my hands…it takes up my attention, which means I don’t have the free mental space to worry. The biggest things I have to watch out for, here, are carelessness: dropped beads (which can lead to broken glass); and working so hard and long that I get blisters on the sides of my fingers before I can develop callouses. At least, those are the hazards of which I know.

I’m hoping to take another look at a book I have, tomorrow, called Macramé Pattern Book, by Märchen Art Studio (2011). It’s not a micromacrame book, or one on beadwork, but it is…really interesting, if you’re just looking at the structure of panels and sennits.

I’ll leave speaking about the ethics, limits, extent, and classes of intellectual property law for another day (if ever)…but I’ve found that it is okay (in my own case) to learn from books. Especially as there’s a transformation involved, where the primary value is not the technique. The latter can’t be copyrighted (at least, within the U.S.). They can only be patented — and that’s if they’re novel, unique, and unlikely to be stumbled across by anyone else.

I can’t really give legal advice (not as a blogger and not as an Information Professional), so don’t take that to heart; I’ve just been around a lot.

I also am not being compensated in any way for what I’ve written, here.