LIS, self care

Procrastination, intimidation

I kind of can’t believe how much I do not want to work on my homework. Despite that, I know it’s the best thing for me to be doing, right now. At…11 PM at night. Maybe not. I’ve learned that doing unwanted, intensely focused work at the expense of sleep and while half-awake, breeds resentment. Right now, the best I can do is plan.

Tomorrow…and the day after…I can work through the assignments. We basically have one more week of this course — until the end of the month. I’m okay with fitting two weeks’ worth of work into one. It generally looks like a lot, but it’s only been four to five hours of work a week. My deal is that it’s tougher with the time delays between weeks, that cause me to forget and have to review material. I don’t like having to go back over things.

My Sunday and Monday are free — except possibly for gym and showering on Monday, or the Japanese market, also on Monday (I’ve found a type of manju that reminds me of moon cakes, and am missing it). I have nothing important to do this Tuesday night (that’s not always true), or Wednesday night. I can then complete Week 4’s work on Thursday and Friday (though I may need Thursday for general grocery shopping), saving Sunday for unexpected catch-up. The course ends officially at the end of Sunday, June 30. That gives me…seven days, four of which are totally open. If I’m right, my class on Library of Congress Subject Headings should start the day after, on July 1. I can tolerate this discomfort for one more week, can’t I? I’m sure LCSH can’t be this bad.

I just…am really resistant (not to mention, discouraged), right now. If I push myself, it may turn into deep-seated seething rage (do you know how much living I’ve missed because I had to study?), and that…I don’t want. I’m pretty sure it’s because of the sheer volume of information that’s being put out at me; it’s intimidating. Or, maybe it’s more the sheer number of links that I have to deal with, which each have an unspecified amount of information behind them. It’s one of the downsides of using electronic resources.

I realize that I pass if I just try — there’s no pressure to get anything right — but seriously, I hate trying to do things when I don’t have enough information, or I have it and can’t compile it, and have to struggle for air. I hate showing that I don’t know what I’m doing. But maybe the sheer difficulty of this work is the reason why we are being graded on just trying, rather than on the accuracy of our answers.

It’s about 11:30 PM my time, right now. Seeing how I woke up at 5:30 this morning (I blame exercise from yesterday — I totally popped awake, then), I should probably get some rest so that I can get to studying, tomorrow.

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